So as many of you might know if you follow me on Instagram, I have had quiet the journey this summer revolving around my employment. There have been ups and there have been downs but I am happy to say I have finally (I think…) figured it all out.
I want to first start this post of with a huge THANK YOU to everyone who messaged me on Instagram saying they were thinking of me and wishing me the best of luck. So many of you even reached out and shared that you were also going through something similar to myself and I am so grateful you were brave enough to share. Post grad life is hard. You don’t know what you’re doing, where you’re going, and you are really just trying to stay afloat. While that might not be everyone’s story, it was mine and some of yours as well. So thank you for supporting me, cheering me on, and evening sharing your own struggles with me, you guys are truly the bomb.
NOW, on to the whole point of this post. Like I mentioned before, all summer I have been really struggling with what I wanted to do in terms of employment. Lucas and I picked up our whole lives to move to New Jersey for his job but there was the big, scary, looming question of “What is Maddy going to do?” Well, I got my degree in Elementary Education and even my teaching license for the state of Indiana but once I got here…I just wasn’t sure if that’s truly what I wanted. And, this isn’t the first time I have questioned whether or not my heart was in teaching. My junior year in college I had a huge personal crisis thinking I had made the wrong decision in my choice of majors and that maybe I should have gone a different direction. At the time though, I decided it was too late for me to change my mind and finished out my degree. While I am so happy I stayed where I was at school, I sort of had that crisis all over again once we moved.
I felt like I was in limbo waiting on a decision to come to me. Should I teach? Should I stay in retail and keep that going? Should I try and become a full-time nanny? I had so many things I could do, I just didn’t know which was the best option for me. I felt like if I let the teaching thing go, I was disappointing my family and professors and other people who invested so much time in me to become a teacher. Like I would be letting myself down for not doing the thing I went to school to do. Most importantly, I felt like I had wasted all the money that went into getting my degree if I didn’t turn around and use it. I was lost and confused and really, really frustrated.
Said frustration led to many, many tears. I cried by myself while Lucas was at work, I cried on the phone with my mom, I would call my friends to vent and end up crying again. I think the tears stemmed from the frustration at first and then stemmed from the fact that deep down, I knew teaching was not the path I was going to end up taking and that to me was really sad. Sad because I thought I knew my path and suddenly I didn’t anymore. Sad because I genuinely love working with children and teaching them but right now, my heart is not 100% in it. f you teach, or are going to school to teach, you know that it is a profession where if you are not 100% in it, you will be miserable. I didn’t want that for myself.
As I get older, I am starting to value myself more and my well-being more. I am starting realize I have got to prioritize myself, my mental health, and my overall wellness first. For me, teaching was not prioritizing myself at all. I knew that forcing myself into a profession I didn’t love wasn’t good for me, my potential future students, and everyone else in the school I would be working at. So, I made the very tough decision to stop applying, stop searching, and stop making myself try and be excited for something I knew I wouldn’t be radically in love with. I made the decision to figure something else out and tell myself that it would all be okay. The sun will rise tomorrow, Lucas will still love me just the same, and my friends will still laugh at my dumb jokes. As my wonderful mama told me to do, I made a decision and I decided to own it. And ya know what? Things actually started to fall into place.
It’s funny when I think back on it all. I was so distressed and so frustrated but when I finally came to terms with myself and my decisions, life actually played cards in my favor. I got a promotion at the store I have been working at for five years. I got hired to be an online English teacher. I have plans to pick up one more thing (that I am keeping a secret 😉) that will also help me live the life I want to live. All of these things I am doing allow me to do the other things I love like blogging and growing this space. I feel like I have found a way to live a life and be financially okay while also being able to work on passion projects and spend time with Lucas and our dogs. I am happy and so, so excited for what this new life change is going to look like. I know it is going to be a lot of work and it is not going to be easy, but if life were easy it would be so, so boring.
I love you guys. Life is good. If you are struggling, it will all work out. Remember, just make a decision and own it girl.