As an almost 30-year-old, I am really working to make more friends and make NEW friends IRL. The last two-ish years of living in Charleston, I’ve met a lot of amazing people and have gained a few friendships that mean so, so much to me. But, when we work to build relationships with other people, we will at one point have to navigate hard conversations and taboo subjects with these people.
So how do we do this? That’s our conversation for today’s new episode! Tune in now to hear how I suggest we navigate these big conversations as we work to build new friendships and relationships with other people.
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EPISODE TRANSCRIPT
Maddy:
Hey bestie, and welcome to the living in sunshine podcast. I’m your host, Maddy fry. And around here we are all about encouraging, inspiring, and giving you the tough love that you need to hear to get out there and live as your best self. Each and every Wednesday, you can expect to learn tangible tips to help you find your bigger purpose. be given simple action steps that you can take in order to make progress toward your biggest dreams. And hear how you can purposely pursue joy on the daily. So sit down, grab your favorite drink. And let’s have a girl chat. This is the living in sunshine podcast.
Good morning. Good morning, my friends. And welcome back to the living in sunshine podcast. My name is Maddy fry. And I’m so excited that you are here tuning in for a brand new episode. And I just want to ask, how are you doing? How’s life? It is September which is wild. Fun fact, I’m actually recording this in July because I am like way far ahead on stuff. And I’m trying to stay away for head on stuff. Because it just makes my life so much easier. So how are you doing? I hope you had a great summer I hope if you are a teacher or a parent, and you are in that back to school season, you are surviving and thriving. Remember routines, habits, schedules, all of those things are beneficial for everyone. No matter if you are three feet tall or six feet tall. If you are 12. Or if you are 47, it doesn’t matter. All of those things are super, super helpful. So I hope that transition into back to school is going well. And if you’ve been back to school for a few weeks, I hope that you’re loving it. In today’s brand new episode, I’m really excited for today’s conversation because we are talking about essentially adult con or not adult conversations. This is an a conversation for adults.
But adult friendships, which is something I’ve talked about on the podcast before, in the essence of wanting to make more friends and having that conversation about how making friends as an adult can be really challenging. And over the last two years, year and a half of living in Charleston, I have made two really, really great friends. And there is something that I wasn’t, I was aware of it. But like it’s one of those things that like naturally kind of has to happen as you make new friends that I think that we forget happens when we get comfortable with the friends that we have, if that made sense. So today’s podcast episode is about sharing your values and beliefs and maybe even ideologies, with new friends as adults, right? Because growing up, I feel like to a certain point, right, I think the first time that we really expose ourselves to having to do this is potentially in college, we grow up with a lot of the same people, if you were if you grew up anything like I did, I grew up in a relatively small town, the city I grew up with like wasn’t classified as like a city until a certain point like it was only a township because the population was so small. And you grow up in a certain area, or certain city or town, whatever. And a lot of the people that you live near, most often, in my experience, share a lot of the same beliefs, and share a lot of the same values and all of these different things because you you grow up together, right? That’s a very natural thing. But as we get older, and as we start to evolve, and as our values and ideas and beliefs and political supports or anything like that starts to evolve with us, we also start to welcome in new people, new friendships, maybe new romantic relationships, if you are dating or seeing people, whatever, you’re not married, and you have to kind of navigate those potentially awkward conversations. Because speaking for the US, I can’t speak for any other country. But here in the United States where I grew up in live Currently, it is a very, very, there are very taboo conversations out there that a lot of times people just avoid. And I understand that mindset of just don’t rock the boat. Don’t you know, say anything that could upset someone? What is it like the three? What there’s like something that I always said to my sorority, it was like the three P’s politics
or something. It was like politics, religion and something else. Like there’s three things that like you’re not supposed to talk about, because they’re potentially controversial, right? But when you are making friends, and you’re getting close to someone who was once a stranger in a friendly way, those things are going to come up right, especially in the United States, especially this time of year, where the campaign and the presidential election is happening because I’m recording this in 2024. When news is everywhere, when we consume, you know, hot topics every single day via social media or TV or radio, just media in general. It’s hard to avoid those things right. And as you make new friendships as you foster new relationships with these people that you’re meeting, you kind of want to get a gauge as to who they are right and what they believe because we
Do you know on the human level for very reasonable reasons, want to connect on a similar page? And we want to see like, Are you the kind of person that I am? Do we hold the same thoughts, opinions, beliefs, and values. And I will be the first person to tell you that and as you know, you might disagree with that, and this and that’s okay. I personally don’t mind being friends and having relationships with people who have differing beliefs and values than I do. And this has been my entire life, right? In high school, I had friends who were very devoutly Christian and Catholics and, you know, went to church every single Sunday and talked about God and Jesus in the Bible pretty openly, and I’m not that kind of person. And that did not bother me, you are allowed to have those thoughts and opinions and values, and ideologies, and I’m allowed to not hold them, but we can still be civil human beings. And that is just a that is a value that I hold that as a belief that I hold is that you can be an adult,
which is such a foreign concept. I feel like these days, you can be an adult and have differing opinions and other people that you call a friend, or that you say that you love. And a very common one for me is the fact that I am not having kids. I’m not having kids, I have zero desire to have children. And I know that at this point, you’re probably like, oh my god, this girl only ever talks about the fact that she’s never procreating. In there’s good reason for that. But I can hold that value of not wanting children and still be very good friends with people who do have kids, or want to have kids. And I can celebrate those people who have kids or want to have kids or who are having kids. And I do. And I just that is a big belief that I hold that some people don’t some people say, if you do not hold the same beliefs and values that I do, when we’re not we know there’s I’m shutting this door, there is no relationship here. There’s no connection, I’m severing that even potential of a relationship no matter what that relationship is. And I can understand this, and I can appreciate this. And there are some beliefs and values out there of people who, you know, they can say that they support that I internally will be like, Wow, you are literally psychotic to actually believe that to be true. But I can still be civil towards that human being right, I might not actively pursue that friendship, I might not actively pursue that relationship. But I can still be civil towards that person. They are still human, and they still deserve respect. And, and me acting and giving them civil human decency. And that’s just a belief that I have, right. But anyway, I diverge, how do we share our values and share our beliefs with people that we want to be friends with? Even if they’re different, right? And how do we even open up that conversation? Because it can be really awkward. Okay, so I will just say this, right? Because I want to use the example of politics because it’s a very, very easy one to use, especially being in the United States, especially with it being 2024. And all the things Okay, so for my personal support, ideologies, beliefs, all those things I identify as a Democrat. And I think that our Republican candidate for 2024 is literally cuckoo bananas. I think that he’s crazy. I think that he is not a good person. I do not support him in any aspect, any way, shape, or form. I never have. I voted for Mr. bitey. Boy back in 2020 2020. And that’s just where I land. Okay, I am very blue, I hold very blue ideologies and values and beliefs. And I always have, because I just, that’s just where I land. It that is not you, that is fine. We can still be chill, we can still be friendly, we can still be civil human beings, right. But how do we share this with other people? How do we share our values and beliefs with new friends? Okay, I’m getting there, I promise. I just feel like there’s a lot of context for this episode that needs to be said. I think the best way to go about this is to let it happen naturally, right? approaching things like, you know, beliefs around family structure, or religion, or politics or values. All of those are very, very personal. And there are some people out there who might approach opening up this door with other people, new friends to just be like, so who are you voting for this year? Right? What do you do on Sunday morning? What what religious texts you read every day? Like, what do you believe? Where do you believe a woman belongs? Right? Like they might literally open up the door, rip that band aid off and just like really go for it. I do not submit to that.
Okay, I submit to the line of thinking of just let it happen naturally. And as those conversations happen as those topics come up, proceed intentionally, I don’t want to say proceed with caution, because I feel like that gives us this air of like, taboo Enos like, don’t talk about it. Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, don’t talk about it, like, put it under the rug, just pretend that those things don’t exist, because they do exist, right? These conversations, these topics, these news headlines are given to us every single day. And so it’s not right, in my opinion, to ignore and pretend like they don’t exist when they do. And I think that a really critical step in forming solid friendships, is checking to see if you yourself, but also the person you’re you’re forging this friendship with, can have an adult conversation about these topics, right? politics, religion, family structure, anything like that, those are big conversations to have. And I think that it’s very, very, very telling of both you and the people or person you’re trying to have a friendship with, about how you navigate and how you manage those conversations. So I think the best way to go about this to sort of test the waters and get a pulse check to get a temp check. The people you are with is to just let it happen naturally, right? Let’s say someone see something on Instagram, they’re like, oh my gosh, like look at this tweet, or this meme or this real about this topic of conversation. And it is, you know, a hot topic hot. That’s a hot conversation to be having navigate intentionally, right. So instead of making it all about you, and how your belief is right, I think that the best way to go about this in the way that I go about this is by stating my value or belief very simply and very clearly. And seeing how the person other person reciprocate. Right. And you know, if they’re on the same page, great, we can have a really open conversation honest conversation about that. But let’s say that they don’t reciprocate the same belief that you do. And this has happened to me you guys this is this has happened. On multiple occasions, I was having a conversation with a friend, a very, very dear friend of mine, new friend who knows me as an adult who knows me from Maddy 2023 Coming to Charleston, Maddy, right? We were talking about kids, and having kids. And I said something that I still believe to this day. And she very cordially, very respectfully, very intentionally gave me an alternative opinion. And she said, and again, I literally I talked to Mary about this, I was like, I love that she said this. And I love that she challenged me on this, because it showed me that she is the kind of friend that we can have these kinds of critical conversations. And we need people like that in our lives you guys do to challenge us and to make us think about things in a new way. But anyway, she gave me an alternative opinion. And she just said very respectfully. She’s like, you know, respectfully, I actually disagree with what you said. And here’s why. And here’s my belief. And you know what happened, we had a very open, intelligent, invigorating conversation about it. And we were with a group of people. And it wasn’t weird, like the vibes did not shift. This happened on New Year’s Eve, we were out to New Year’s Eve dinner, it was still a great time. And I still hang out with this person to this day, because that conversation was navigated intentionally, and with respect, and in such a way that all parties felt open to express their opinions, even if they differ from somebody else at the table, right. And I think that that’s really, really important. And so as you go out, and search for new friends, or you’re making new friends, or you’re meeting new people, whatever it might be, in whatever environment, you’re meeting these people go into them, I now encourage you to go into them with an open mind, but also with an open heart. Right? You can. And I’m saying you can because I’ve done it. And I do it because I have friends even now who have very different opinions and beliefs and you know, support very different things that I do. You can still be friendly towards these people, you can still have a friendship with these people. And you can at the bid very, very little, let’s say you don’t want to be friends with them, you can still be an adult, and you can still be civil towards them. And I think that that’s a really important reminder for this time of year when everyone’s opinion is right. And if you go against my opinion, you’re wrong. And I’m not talking to you and we are not friends and we are not murmur murmur, you know what I mean? And I just feel like that halts any kind of progress. And that limits so much critical thinking that doesn’t happen these days because of social media and technology and the fast paced nature of life. And I just want to encourage you to if you are kind of you’ve had that tendency to just shut people out or cut people off if they have
have a varying opinion or belief than you do to just really, potentially create some space, create some margin in the people that you allow into your life, and just work to have an open mind to what they have to say. And here’s the bottom line, you can listen to someone I’ve said this on the show before, I’m just gonna reiterate it right now. Because it feels very topical. You can listen to someone, say something that you think you are just a straight up looney tune. Like that is the wildest wildness I’ve ever heard in my entire life. But you’re still a person, you are still human.
If we both stand here naked, we are equals. If you strip away everything else, we are the same kind of thing, which is a person, and every person deserves respect, and care. And you don’t have to agree. And you don’t have to support what they say. But you can still say, Okay, you have your beliefs, I have my beliefs, we’re allowed to have different beliefs we are we are allowed that freedom, we live in a country where we can have that freedom. And that’s really important to remember during this time of year where everything is so heated, and everyone’s wrong, but yet everyone’s right. And everyone’s opinion is gospel and, and, you know, written in stone and all of those things. It’s not, it’s not okay. And so just as you navigate new friendships as you navigate the season, here in the United States, specifically,
go into it with an open head, open heart, open mind, hear people out, and really just navigate those conversations intentionally and with care and take it as a really good sign when you and the person you’re having a conversation with can act like adults in those conversations, even when you disagree with one another. Okay, I hope that this episode was helpful. I hope that it gave you some tangible tips and tricks as to how you can navigate sharing your thoughts and opinions and beliefs, especially those tied to pretty hot topics here in the United States. You know, culturally, I mean, in Western culture, in a really manageable way, right? We all need connection, we desire connection and friendship and community on a baseline biological level as people and so I hope that this episode was helpful. I will be back in another couple of weeks with a brand new episode. And until then, my love’s I’m sending you all the sunshine, good vibes, and I hope you make it a great day, girlfriend. Thank you so much for listening to today’s new episode. If you loved it, please send it to a friend share it on Instagram and tag me so I can see and consider leaving the show a rating or a review. Ratings and reviews are kind of like sharing or liking a post on Instagram, and they really help the show grow and reach new women just like you. Be sure to subscribe to the podcast so you never miss a new episode. And until next week, I am sending you all the sunshine, good vibes, and I hope you make it a great day.