EPISODE 100: [STORYTIME] An Open Conversation about Confidence

How would you rank your overall CONFIDENCE? I know for many, confidence is one of those things that goes up and down dependent on the season of life they’re in. For me, confidence has been a LIFELONG journey, even if I make it seem like its easy peasy. In today’s episode, I am spilling the beans on how I pull on confidence when I need it and how I went from a shy, shy young girl to the confident woman I am today. 


Confidence is something we have to LEARN and I hope that by sharing my journey to confidence, you will know that you can become confident too!


Loving the show?! Then leave it a review! 

Every time you leave a written review or rating on Apple Podcasts, it helps the show GROW and reach more women just like you. To leave a review, head to our show page on Apple Podcasts, scroll down to ‘Ratings & Reviews’ then click ‘See All’, then click ‘Write a Review’! When you do this, you are not only supporting the show’s growth, but you’re also sending me a virtual highfive, which I love to get! 














Maddy 0:08 Welcome to the living in sunshine podcast if you don’t know who I am, my name is Maddie. And I am so excited to have you tuning in to our weekly podcast episodes, where we chat all the things from tips and tricks to funny stories from my life that have helped me to truly live in the sunshine. In this space, we are all about encouraging, inspiring and giving you the tough love that you need to hear sometimes to realize that you are totally made for more than what you currently have in life, and that you hold the power to make the changes that you need to level up and live your best self. So buckle up, grab some water and let’s get into it. Good morning. Good morning, my dudes and welcome back to the living in sunshine podcast. If you are new here, my name is Mattie Frey and I am recording for the first time in my brand new office. I’m so excited. I recently moved into a brand new house in Charleston, South Carolina. If you are a longtime listener, you know that my husband and I have lived in New Jersey. We grew up in Ohio the last few years we’ve been living in Texas, but we are officially here in South Carolina, it is a dream I’m so happy. I’ve never been happier than I have been since moving here. Like I just feel so aligned with my environment. And I don’t know about you, but I’m 100% that kind of person who her environment directly impacts how she feels and her mood and her emotions. So being here I am like living on a cloud nine no joke. I’m so happy that we are finally here. It was not an easy move. It was not an easy thing to tackle. But man oh man is it been so worth it, we love our house, we love our location, our neighbors are fabulous, all of these amazing things. And I’m so excited to be recording the living and sunshine podcast in my brand new space. In my brand new office. It’s all good things at all good vibes. Other things that are new around here is our theme of the month. This is our first episode four March, which means we have a brand new theme to tackle and talk about all month long. And our theme of March is going to be confidence. What confidence is my honest, open journey to becoming more confident in myself and owning who I am, I’m going to be giving you tips and tricks that you can use and steal and borrow to become more confident yourself. We’re going to have a guest episode at the end of the month talking about confidence. And I’m super excited about it. I think confidence is one of those things that women really start to recognize and deal with, at a really young age and a really early age. And I’m going to be sharing kind of how I and when I started to recognize my own self confidence in today’s episode. And I hope that you join the conversation. If you are someone who has struggled with or is still currently struggling with confidence, send me a message over on Instagram. I love talking to you guys about the podcast and the things that we talked about here. And whenever I get those messages that say like, Hey, I listen to today’s episode, and this is what I think like it truly makes my entire day. And I’m so grateful for those of you who listen, and those of you who join this conversation because this is a space living in Sunshine Community is a space where I am sharing things as I do them. I am not an expert. I am not the end all be all of all information. I’m here just sharing what works for me. And hoping that it inspires you to try it out for yourself and see what happens. And if it doesn’t work, if you have to take it and bake it and make it your own as I like to say, then that’s okay, right? Like we’re all on our own journey. But the endpoint of that journey is hopefully a life of confidence and joy and a life that you are obsessed with that you won’t shut up about it even when people tell you that you need to stop talking. And if confidence is something that you are wanting to get more tailored support on. This is also our theme of the month in the sunshine squad community, which is my online membership and community that anyone can join, you can join it right now. And this is the conversation that we’re having in that exclusive private space off of social media. With the membership you get training calls, you get weekly check ins, you get weekly q&a with me and additional monthly resources that you can’t get anywhere else. So if confidence is definitely one of your big focus points for 2023. Be sure to check out the sunshine squad. I’ll link it in the show notes and give it a look. Check it out. See if it’s the right fit for you. Like I said it is linked in the show notes down below. And you can also find it over on my Instagram which is at living the letter N sunshine. And now that my announcements are out of the way. Let’s go ahead and get into today’s episode. So for today’s show, I wanted to sort of share and have an open conversation about confidence and what confidence is to me and my journey to confidence because I feel like and I don’t Say this to be like, Oh my god, I’m so awesome. I’m so cool. Like, I am so awesome. I say this because I have been told this, but I feel like, especially on Instagram, if you watch my stories, or if you follow me there, you don’t have to this is not a shameless plug. I mean, it kind of is, but you don’t have to write. Um, I feel like it’s one of those things that I oftentimes hear, Oh, my gosh, I wish I had your courage or your confidence or your guts to do what you do. And while I really, really, really, really honor that, and I am so thankful that I am giving off that air of confidence. In full transparency, there are days that I am the least confident human ever. And on the days that I do feel confident in the days that I do feel really good. You need to know that that has been a 20 year process, okay? I have never, I was never growing up the girl who was always confident all the time. I am currently at the time of recording this 27. So I know I have a whole lot of life left. And I still have a whole lot of learning to do when it comes to being a woman. And things like confidence, right. But up until this point, I would say that I only really started to be confident when I was probably like 20 to 23. And even then I think there was a lot of lack of confidence, right. And so let me just take you back. So growing up, I am the daughter of three kids, I’m the youngest of three. And I grew up in a very small town to where everyone knew everyone. And if you had a sibling people knew your siblings. And if you were the oldest, or the youngest people kind of judged you and had preconceived notions of you based off of your siblings, and I love my brother and my sister, I really, really do. But there were times that I felt like I was being unnecessarily compared to them. And all three of us are very different human beings, like extremely different, like black, white, and yellow. You know, like the things like we’re very black and white, well, there’s three of us. So we’re gonna say black, white and yellow, right? Very different human beings. And there was a lot of times where I was, you know, by no one’s fault, but just by nature, right, compared to my brother and my sister. And that really led to a lack of confidence in myself, because I started to compare myself to them as well. You know, my brother was very curious. He’s very charismatic. He was a really good athlete, he got really great grades. And my sister was super and still is super outspoken, and kind of a wild child and did her own thing. And then there was me. And I really struggled with Well, who am I, where do I fall in this, you know, on this spectrum of these two other people who I’m being associated with. And that was something that I really battled with for a very long time. And I was really fortunate to where my sister actually went off to school, when I was entering, like, she went off to college, when I was entering high school. So there was four years where I was at home by myself and my siblings were off doing their own thing, like being semi adults, were in that time, it was finally the space that I felt like I had to figure out who I was and who I wanted to be. And in in discover my own voice and my own style and my own personality. And that took a lot of work. And even through then, right, like that’s High School, where we all are, like, just trying to figure out like who we are, and we’re just trying to get to college, and we’re just trying to like, not fall through the cracks, right? At least that’s how I felt. And you know, I had this sort of four year time period where I could really lean into, who do I want to be? Who is Maddie, what does she sound like? What does she like? Who does she want to be associated with? And what kind of person does she want to be seen as, and I was really lucky for that space. Because if you have siblings, and they’re closer in HGO, it’s really hard to develop your own identity, when you are constantly being compared to your siblings, right? Or maybe to your parents, if you’re an only child, but you have really high performing parents, people are gonna compare you to them, right. And again, that’s no one’s fault. Other than just not like natural behavior, we compare things to what we already know. And in that four years, I really felt like I was growing my confidence. And then I went to school. And college was the best experience of my entire life. And I had even more chance to grow and explore and figure out who I was and figure out what mattered to me. And then I graduated, and that was one of those things that I feel like my confidence, you know, in high school was kind of on that upward slope if you’re imagining like a graph right now, and then college happened in it continued to kind of like go up a little bit, there were times where I would like have doubts or whatever. And then I graduated. And that sucker just like the bottom fell out of my grasp. 2023 is the year where we become so insanely confident that other people feel our energy when we walk into the room. It is the year that we say yes to ourselves and doing the things that bring us joy. It is the year that we master our mindsets. So we can purposely pursue joy on a daily and are so obsessed with our lives that we will not and cannot shut up about it. If this sounds like the kind of year that you are ready to have cutie girl, I have something just for you. I created the master your mindset guidebook for you to learn not only how to tap into the natural joys around you, but also how to boost your confidence and make it stick. This guide book is packed with the resources and tools that you need to be the girl on the street that other people are asking, Where does she get her confidence. And the best news is, it’s completely free. You can snag the master your mindset guide book right now at living in sunshine.com/mindset. Master. And let me know what you think once you download it. Again, it’s living in sunshine.com/mindset Master no spaces. And once you download it, give me a shout out on Instagram and let me know what you think, my friend, you deserve to live a joyful and confident life. And this guidebook will help you get there. I graduated from school and I had no idea what was coming for me, I couldn’t get a job, I had no money. I literally had $500 to my name and my rent was $1,800. And I’ve told that story a million times. But during that time period after graduation that that first year after I graduated from college, I very much was a shell of a human, I had no confidence because I just felt like a failure. I felt like I didn’t know what I was doing. I felt like all of my friends had it figured out. And I was just kind of like sucking wind, I had no idea what I was doing. And that really made my confidence suffer. And so I kind of had to do some personal work, I had to focus on myself and I started to do things like exercising, for the purpose of feeling good. Instead of punishing myself, which is something I had done for the longest time, I started to do things like read personal development books and join communities of women who had the confidence that I wanted. And this like 234 year path, I really started to feel my confidence start to grow. And I really think that the reason that happened was because I slow down and I asked myself, What do you want? And how can you make that happen. And at the same time, I was supplementing that kind of personal discovery time period, with doing things like joining communities of women who were doing what I wanted to do, who were healthy in the way that I wanted to be healthy and who were making the money that I wanted to be making and who had the mindset and the heart set that I wanted to have. And I started to really fill my inner circle with people who I am forever grateful for because they helped to shape and mold that post college graduate who had no idea what the heck she was doing, to being a woman who is confident and owns multiple businesses and, and believes in what she’s doing. And she believes in herself and she owns who she is. Without those people, I would not be who I am today. And that’s kind of true for a lot of my confidence journey is that it for me at least has been all about finding people who loved me for me. And they believed in what I was doing. And they believed in my ability and they wanted to see me win. And that has been really what has helped me to grow the confidence that I have now to, you know, change environments and change jobs and change pathways over and over and over again. Because my life has never been linear. And to really discover that I am Maddie Frey, and I have things to offer that are special and that are unique and that other people want to have be part of their life. And that hasn’t been easy. And it hasn’t always been a solo thing. It’s been finding community and doing things that I know will make me better even if in the moment that I’m doing them. They’re really freaking hard. And I really feel like that’s been what has gotten me to where I am now. Now. You know, here in the current year that we’re in in the last two years that we’ve been doing all of these things I’ve been doing all of these things like starting living in sunshine and starting my virtual assistant business and and leaving old opportunities behind You know, there are points where your confidence wavers confidence is one of those things that it’s not there 100% of the time, you are not 100% Confident 100% of the time. And if you ever hear someone say, Oh, I’m confident every single day of my entire life, they’re lying. I don’t believe like red flag runaway don’t believe that statement. Because there’s no way there’s no way that you can be 100% Confident 100% of the time, naturally, our brains are going to do things like question our decisions, or make us wonder if we’re making the right choice. Or, you know, make us believe that we are a piece of garbage blowing in the wind, like, that’s nature, that’s life. But what we can do in those moments, is learn how to flip the script and learn how to remind ourselves that no, I really am hot shit, even if no one else believes that I’m hot shit, like, I’m the only one who needs to believe that for it to be true. And that, to me is what confidence is. Confidence is the ability to reroute your thoughts and your mindset, when it’s not in a good place to remind yourself that you have value, you have purpose, and you have a gift to share. You have many gifts to share with the other people in your life. And you are worthy of being seen and heard and appreciated. That’s what confidence is. It’s not this, you know, air of, of, you know power, or the way you look or the or the way you act like the way you look. And the way you act, the way you hold yourself is a byproduct of your mindset being in a spot that says, I am the bee’s knees, and everyone needs to pay attention to me for some reason, shape or form. And I don’t say that in a bad way, right? Confidence is not the same as arrogance. They’re not they’re not the same one does not equal. The other. Confidence to me, is the belief that you have something of value to offer. And you have special gifts and abilities that no one else has that you can give to someone else. And that belief in yourself is unwavering, no matter what anyone else says. But confidence is also the knowledge and the recognition that you have room for improvement, right, you can get better. You believe in yourself enough to say, I’m really great at this. But I could do better, I could get better I could learn from something or someone else to improve on my gift. Now, arrogance is the mindset and the belief that I’m the best that I can believe and no one can tell me different. Like, I’m the best of the best. I can’t, like no one is better than me. I have no room to improve. I don’t need to learn anything new, because I already have it all figured out. That’s arrogance. And arrogance is the negative sort of stepsister if you would have confidence in my opinion. And so you have to know where you fall. If you are a highly confident person. Do I fall on the on the side of confidence of knowing that I’m incredible, and I’m powerful, and I’m amazing. But I can also do and become better for the sake of other people and myself? Or do I fall on the side of arrogance where I know that I’m the best and that no one can tell me different and there’s no room for improvement because I’m already the best that I can be. Right? And that’s what you need to ask yourself. And if you’re not someone who is overly confident, right, because I know for me, my confidence has been up and down peaks and valleys since I was probably like 11 years old, probably younger than that probably like nine or 10 years old. What can you do now to work on that belief to become that person who says I wholly with my whole soul guts, innards, all of the things believe in my capabilities to live the life that I want to live. But what can I do right now to help me live that life? What can I do right now to support myself to become that person who has the life that I want to live? Right? That’s what you need to do. And just know again, that confidence isn’t linear. You don’t continue to go up exponentially forever and ever and ever. Confidence is one of those things that like it waxes and wanes, right? Like it comes in it goes and that’s natural. That’s just a natural part of life. And that’s okay. So if you’re currently in a space where you are so confident, ask yourself why What are you doing that is making you to feel that kind of way. And if you’re not create space in your day to ask yourself, What can I do to boost my confidence? What is making me feel not so confident? What can I learn or improve on or grow from in order to feel more confident? And I think that’s everything that I have for you for today’s episode. I know it was kind of all over the place, but I wanted to kind of just have an open stream of consciousness conversation about confidence because I feel like it’s One of those things that you hear multiple different things about. A lot of people have a lot of different opinions. I have my own opinions that I shared today. But I just want you to know that no one story to living a confident life is the same. And that is something that is so inherently beautiful because we can learn from other people’s stories, we can listen to their stories, and grow in our own because we heard someone else share where they were with their confidence or how they got to where they are right now. And so I hope that by me sharing my story, but also talking about what confidence is and how you can get there will help you to grow and your own confidence as well, my friend until next week, I am sending you all the sunshine, good vibes, and I hope you make it a great day. That is all I have for you today my dudes and I hope you love today’s episode. If you did, I would seriously appreciate it if you went and left the show a review and rating on whatever platform you’re currently listening on. For every review and rating that you leave, it truly helps the show grow and reach more women just like yourself. If you had any major takeaways or aha moments, be sure to take a screenshot of this episode posted to your social media stories with your biggest takeaways and tag me at living in sunshine so I can share it with my people as well. Again, thank you so much for hanging out with me this week. And until next time, I am sending you all the sunshine good vibes and I hope you make it a great day.