EPISODE 122: [INTERVIEW] Finding Joy in Living Your Dream Life w/ Madison Anaya

 

 

Have you ever had a life that you dreamed about for so long, but it felt too far out of reach? Then you need to listen in on today’s interview with Mads from @madisonbaileyanaya on Instagram! Mads and I are long-lost friends and in today’s new episode we chat about breaking free from living a life everyone expects you to live.

June in to our candid conversation where we chat moving across the country, living your most Pinterest-worthy life, and how to build connections and make friends along the way! I am obsessed with Mads and I know you will be too once you hear her story!

 

OTHER PLACES TO FIND HER:
INSTAGRAM: instagram.com/madisonbaileyanaya

TIKTOK: tiktok.com/madisonbaileyanaya

YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCRkhN_gfcufu9kUE2eLqoxA

 


EPISODE TRANSCRIPT

 

Maddy 0:01 Hey bestie and welcome to the living in sunshine podcast. I’m your host, Maddy fry. And around here we are all about encouraging, inspiring, and giving you the tough love that you need to hear to get out there and live as your best self. Each and every Wednesday, you can expect to learn tangible tips to help you find your bigger purpose. be given simple action steps that you can take in order to make progress toward your biggest dreams. And hear how you can purposely pursue joy on the daily. So sit down, grab your favorite drink. And let’s have a girl chat. This is the living in sunshine podcast. Good morning. Good morning, my friends. And welcome back to the living in sunshine podcast. I am literally so excited that you’re here tuning into today’s brand new episode. And I know I say that every single week. But this week, I mean it because we have one of my very good friends. Mads on the show talking about life, figuring out your own mental health journey and all of these different things and how we can find joy after we make a huge life transformation. But I’m gonna save that for the show. Before we dive in. I wanted to introduce you to Mads in case you don’t know who she is. If you want to go stalk her as you listen to today’s episode, all of her links are down below in the show notes. And I will also tag her over on Instagram stories today. Once this episode goes live so you can find her there as well. Madison creates content that invites women to join her in a shared experience of figuring out life in your late 20s. Hello, this is exactly where we all are right. Her relatable and authentic storytelling mixed with her warmth and golden retriever like energy has her audience quickly feeling like childhood best friends. For moving across the country to making new friends and trying new hobbies. She inspires others to leave their own Pinterest dream life. Mads just isn’t your trendy best friend who has the best TV show Rex and new girls quotes. She’s also candidly sharing what it’s like to be at the beginning of a fitness routine to try to figure out your own personal style and to actively focus on mental health and therapy. Through her colorful outfit ideas, embarrassing stories and inspirational content. Madison gives you the things that you loved about magazines as a teenager. But now over on Instagram Tik Tok and her YouTube channel again, which are all linked in the show notes you need to go check them out. In today’s episode Mads shared with me how she’s making new friends what her journey to moving to San Diego is like and gives you some tips that you can take away in order to live a more joyful life. I seriously could talk to this girl for hours and hours and hours and hours. We start a thread pool that you are part of now in the beginning of this episode. And I hope that you fall in love with Mads as much as I already love her. Let’s go ahead and dive into this new episode. All right, Mads, welcome to the podcast. I am so excited that you are here.

Madison 2:42 Thank you. I’m so excited to be here. I feel like every time I talk to you like I genuinely like okay, do I not have your number by the way? Because every time I try to go to send you a message phone number yes. Like how are we on level yet? Like I feel like we are already at that level and I go to text you every time I’m gonna go Wait, I don’t have Instagram because I’m like, How do I not have this girl’s numbers like how am I not slid in and gotten those digits? Gosh, I’m no no,

Maddy 3:11 I’ll give you my phone number we’re practically dating now. Amazing number after after the show. I’ll send it to you on Instagram and we’ll just you know be long distance in a relationship. Madison 3:19 I love this. That’s exactly what I signed up for. Yeah, that’s amazing.

Maddy 3:24 Well, everyone, you just heard Mads and I started dating so congratulations. You’re now a part of our relationship. Yes. A little. Okay. Yes, exactly. You mean the internet literally. Okay, so first, some background and some context of this thread pool that we’re all now in. I started following Mads over a year ago now, when she was in the midst of replanting this in person event it looked amazing. It was in Texas, correct me if I’m wrong, right. It was in Texas. And she’s gone through this whole evolution of self and business and life and I have been living vicariously through her. And without giving any spoilers away. I am just going to have Mads, share a little bit about herself. introduce herself to you guys. And take it away. Mads.

Madison 4:07 Oh my gosh, what a massive question. Hi, guys, welcome to the throttle. I would not want to be in a throttle with literally anyone other than you. So like, I’m so excited to be here. Yeah, so I feel like I am the epitome of like that scene from Friends of like, pivot, like, that’s me. It’s just like any, any chance that like I can to change or kind of lean into like, this isn’t for me anymore. I have been the poster child for that, essentially. So anytime anyone’s like, I feel bad about changing my mind. I’m like, Don’t worry, I’ve already done it like 8 million times very publicly. So like, it’s actually cool. Like, I’ve tried to make this like a cute, charming thing instead of something to be insecure about. But like, we’re working through it in therapy anyways. So it’s like it’s fine. So yeah, like as Maddie mentioned, I have worn a lot of different style hats as far as like what I’ve done with my business and and just like different avenues that that’s looked like as far as an online community and business education at one point and conferences, retreats and an online shop and literally like anything, and it’s just nothing ever really felt like it fully fit. And I’m not sure that it’s like, oh, that was the wrong choice. Or if it was like, Oh, that was fun to try it on for a little bit. And then when it didn’t feel like it was in alignment anymore, then I like felt released from it and said, okay, like, alright, let’s, let’s do this other thing. And I’m still trying to navigate like, what that looks like to change my mind quite often. Yeah. And to see how I feel about that, again, that’s like something I’m working through a therapy. So I don’t have like a today. But I will at least like be in the boat with you on that. So currently, as of today, I mostly just show up online as a content creator and sharing what my life looks like in my late 20s. And moving out of my hometown for the first time moving to San Diego, California, which is like the dreamiest place could possibly imagine like it is yeah, yeah, I know. Everyone’s listening in there. Like that is so expensive. Why would you want to move? I know, I know it takes but let’s just get that out of the way. Okay, I already know it.

Maddy 6:20 I moved to Charleston, so it’s not much better.

Madison 6:24 This year, yeah, you’re paying, you’re paying the happy tax, or as I say around here, the sunshine tax. So. But yeah, I’m excited to dig in some more.

Maddy 6:34 I love that. It’s so funny that you say this. And this is not why I had you on the show at all. But you and I always have freakishly similar parallels happening in life all the time, we moved around the same time, when you were planning your in person conference, I was planning an in person retreat at the same time, yours was way more successful than mine was, I’m just gonna put that out.

Madison 6:53 There’s a lot behind the scenes that we could dig into Don’t worry.

Maddy 6:59 Episode for another. And we are both like in this season of just like pivoting and finding what makes us happy. And literally, I’m also in therapy. My therapist name is Mary, God bless her we love and I talked to her all about that. I literally last week, I was like, so I feel like I can’t frickin figure out what I’m supposed to do with my life. And it’s really frustrating. And she’s like, you’re not supposed to have it all figured out. I’m like, Mary, I know. But like, I still feel about it. I still feel guilty for it. Okay, Mary, just like let me feel bad. Maybe feel better. I know. It’s your job or something. So I feel you I get it. But the thing that I wanted to have you on. So the reason I asked Mads to join the living in sunshine podcast today is because, as she mentioned, she just made a major move from Texas to California. And she us moved like a few weeks after we did like, I remember watching your stories and be like, I remember all of that. Yeah, I remember all of that. It was hard. It was horrible. I would never do it again, never would I hate it ever.

Madison 7:57 But nevertheless, actually do it again in two years.

Maddy 8:03 Literally, I will do it again, if it gets me to where I am right now, over and over and over again. But the thing that I have noticed is that, and I hope that you feel this. And I feel like you feel this. And I hope somebody before me has told you this. You have never seemed happier than you do right now, living where you live and like doing all the things that you do. And you and I have talked about this before. But I felt like it was something that the living ascension community needed to hear about what happens in that kind of transformation of completely uprooting and moving, and really making that part of your story. Even if you have people who are like it’s expensive. It’s far you already own a house, what are you doing my roommate, right, like all those annoying questions that we get? So let me ask you this. You move to California back at the start of this year, right. 2023 and first week of April, yeah. Okay, so can you explain why did you move and what kind of instituted it or what kind of ignited that desire to just be like, let’s just do this, like the time is now let’s go. Can you share that with us?

Madison 9:06 Yeah. So in August of 2021, my husband’s previous job was working for the Department of Defense. So he traveled a lot for work, he would be gone like, anywhere between four to six weeks at a time and I didn’t sign up to a military wife, okay. He wasn’t even in the military. But somehow I’m like living this actual right. I’m living in the schedule where I’m like, I’m home lot alone and like Alex and I are annoying. We are inseparable and have been since we’re 14 years old, so I don’t want to be away from you that long. So and also one of his trips was to go to Oceanside, California, which is like just north county of San Diego. It’s about 45 to an hour from downtown San Diego. And I was like you’re sure as hell amount about ticket to go there without me. I’m going with I have like laptop job. I could take it with me and work out of a hotel and whatever. And so we went, and I just could not believe it. I was like, This is magic, this place is magic. And I feel at home for the first time. And I really was, I’m a sucker for good weather, okay, when you grew up in Houston, Texas, and you’ve never seen the weather in your life, it’s, it’s enough to sell me on that. And so that alone was already like magical that it was just perfect weather all the time. And the ocean is something that I’m really connected to. And people were just such a different vibe. And as we went home, I was like, Oh, my God, like, I can’t unsee it. Like, I feel like I just experienced magic. And now I’m back in this space that I’ve grown up in. And I’m still like, I’m saying that I’m carving out a different path. And yet, it’s like more and more still looking like the same path that I was on that I said, I didn’t want getting. And I just couldn’t take it anymore. And I was like, we have to figure it out. We have to move there. And so I just started telling people that we were going to move in April, and I had no, that was actually not true. I basically was just like, delu up until March. And in March, we finally were told, like by his job that we could make it happen for the next month. And I was like, Cool. So glad I actually didn’t fully lie to people, because I’ve been telling them that for like six, seven months, reaching out to girls on Instagram Maddy saying like, Yeah, I’m moving in April, like would love to make friends before I get there. Like, just in. And even before that, because everyone had like really gotten in my head about like, how expensive it is. And just because it’s a big jump from Texas, to California. Yeah, the sticker shock is real. And yeah, I was like, You know what, a lot of people love Tampa. Let me see if I can force my California dream into Tampa. So we went out. And we took a trip. And it was great. Like, don’t get me wrong, I liked it. But it was just way too similar to where we had already grown up. Yeah. And the sense that he was also flat was also hot and humid. The values of the people, the majority there were very similar to what I had already come from politically, Faith wise, all the things, and I just needed something different. And so I was like, I will literally take up all the extra jobs that I said I would never do before because I like that’s not my main priority anymore. My main priority is getting my ass to San Diego, and we’re here. And really, I’m so glad that you feel like, This is the happiest moment of my life. Because it really does feel that way. And yeah. It’s also the most anxious I’ve ever been. So it’s like we can dig into that if you want. But yeah, yeah, like, it’s almost like I almost am like, should I stop saying how happy I am on the internet. Because you don’t like when people like save so much. You’re like, Oh, she’s going to end up on 48 our evidence like in a couple of years. It’s like one of those people that’s like constantly saying how great their life is. And I’m like, No, but like actually, like, let me be really clear. Like I’m acknowledging this is a high, okay, we just haven’t been yet. And so I’m just like, overwhelmed with gratitude. And also so worried that it could be taken away at any moment, too. So there’s that like, very real fear that set in like, the week we moved it. And I was like, oh my god, this is so great. I’m crying and I’m crying because I’m scared it’s gonna go away. Which like, I’m curious, like, do you? Do you relate to that at all like being in Charleston?

Maddy 13:36 Yeah, so it’s definitely one of those things. So just to kind of draw some parent more parallels because their limit Unlimited, right? It’s the same thing. We moved from El Paso, Texas, which you’re a Texas girl. It’s on the west side of Texas, we lived in a 2100 square foot home for $1,300 a month, our mortgage payment was $1,300 a month. And we now live in a 1900 1800 square foot. Very similar home size home. It’s an extra grand a month for us to pay rent on this house. Again, very similar situation. Huge price jump. And it’s one of those things where and I see this on your story. So I’m sure you get it. You want to go eat at all of the places you want to go try out all the new fun things you want to go to the beach on the weekends, which requires, you know, travel and gas and buying snacks and all this stuff. You want to make friends which requires you sometimes to like invest a little bit of money so like, all of a sudden, you’re like okay, well you’re J chillin in this house, very cheap, very cheap to live in this place. And now oh my god, we’re spending so much money in life. I totally I agree. It’s one of those things where and for me, I still work for myself fully. And I am essentially a freelancer so my income is not guaranteed. And so the last few months I’ve definitely felt that anxiety of like, you need to make more money because there’s 400% More dollars that need to be spent month to month for you to be able to stay here. And I don’t know if you resonate with this at all, but I 100% really struggle with the anxiety of feeling like I don’t contribute enough, and that I am a mooch off of my husband. And this has been a conversation we’ve had for since we moved in together, like five or six years ago now. And it’s definitely one of those things living here. Now, it’s way more prevalent, because our expenses are so much higher. But I get it. I mean, for us, it’s one of those things where we don’t have anywhere else to go back. Like, this is where we live now. Yeah, but it’s, it’s definitely a fear of like, okay, we, I especially I need to continue to make as much money as I’m making. Because if not, we won’t be able to continue to live like we’re living. And that would be really sad, because I’m really happy. And I’d really rather not have to change, you know what I mean? So it’s definitely one of those things. I totally get that and it’s, I think it’s a really real fear when you go and do something that you’ve always wanted to do. And then you finally do it. You’re like, Okay, I’ve done it. I’m here. I’ve made it. But oh, shit like this could go anywhere. This could disappear at any moment. You know what I mean? Yeah, it’s huge.

Madison 16:11 It’s yeah. And I think the thing that brings me a lot of peace is just kind of looking back at evidence within my own life. It like, we’ve always figured it out. Like, yeah, curveball that’s ever come. Anyone listening? You have literally always figured it out. Yeah. What I dread is not that I wouldn’t be able to figure it out. Because I know I’m resourceful is how I can get scrappy. And the thing that I’m like, but I don’t want to. Like I don’t want it to be like extra hard again, I just has to be my fairy tale little dream moment. And that bubble to be burst. I mean, no one ever does. But yeah, it’s just it’s wildly different living here than back home. And especially like I mentioned the weather. And it just makes me laugh when people are like, I don’t want to talk about the weather. I want to talk about real stuff. And I’m like, I want to talk about both because the weather makes me happy. And what you don’t understand is growing up in Houston, Texas, it is way too hot to do anything outside. And so here it’s like, Oh, you want to go for a walk in the middle of the day you want to go hiking, you want to go to the beach, you want to do literally anything you can do that because it’s you’re going to be dying from like humidity and heat. And it’s just, yeah, it’s it’s a whole different vibe. And so like when people copping out of tune out here, I’m like, take a step back, bro. Like, look, look around, like literally touched some grass. Because look at the waves. Okay, literally, like what do you actually even have to be upset about? It? Like, yeah, sure. And obviously, like people have very real problems. I’m not diminishing that. But I mean, like people are so honk happy here. I’m like they would never they would never in Texas. If you honk. You better be ready to fight. Like especially Houston. Maddy 18:10 Yeah, so funny. Oh, my gosh. So you mentioned this when you were talking about moving and wanting to move and like, let’s just talk about the fact that you manifested moving in April, I had nothing ready to go or plan and you’re just like, we’re going we don’t have any plans. We have no idea. But we’re going what’s gonna happen come hell or high water? What kind of pushback did you get? And how did you and who gave you that pushback? Right? And then how did you kind of manage that that feed that negative feedback that you maybe probably got when it came to uprooting and moving? Because from my understanding and again, correct me if I’m wrong, your family lives in Texas, right? Like you lived at home? Yeah, at home in your hometown pretty much when you announced like Hey Alex and I want to move to a completely different state hours away. How did you deal with that that feedback that you more than likely got from your family? Madison 19:00 I mean, the feedback that we got no one like sat us down and was like, this is the biggest mistake you’ll ever make in your life. It was just like, like oh, why would you want to move there? It’s so expensive. Like you’re Yeah, like why would you want to do that? You have a house here and yeah, you talk about like at least you did a similar square footage. We’re paying $1,000 more in a shoebox apartment. We went from like 1900 square foot house three bedroom with an office and a yard to a one bedroom 700 square foot apartment for like, three grand and yeah, like I want to throw up when I say that but at the same time, like yeah, you kind of just eventually get used to it and or at least we have like I don’t want to speak for other people and it’s always like a Sharpie subject talking about finances anyways, for a lot of people. Totally, but I think we made the decision like okay, we’re gonna be here, we’re not going to complain about how expensive it is all the time. It just is that and that’s just the reality. And we’re just going to move on. Because I don’t want to ruin our experience here just being so stressed out about this, like we planned for this. But we made adjustments in our budget and for me to take up more work than I initially was doing back home, because I didn’t have to do as much. And I was here, I was like, Alright, we’ve, we’ve got to pick up some side stuff. And that’s like, totally fine. And actually, the thing out here is like, then I’ll go back to answering your question. But I just want to note that like being out here, because it’s so expensive, the energy of the people are so different, because you don’t get stuck here like this, this is you want to be here, you’ve got to want to be here, because you’ve got to make decisions in your life to be able to stay here. And so people’s, like their job doesn’t hold as much weight as it does I love in other places. So like back home, if you were to say like, Oh, I got like a side job, whatever people are like, Oh, are they like stressed out about finances or whatever? Like, yes, the gossip train. Whereas out here? Yeah. Everyone has a side hustle. And it’s like totally normal. And no one cares what you do. Literally, no one knows what your job is. They’re like, Oh, cool. Do you want to go serve? Oh, cool. Do you want to go to the coffee shop? Like, no one freaking cares. And it’s so freeing, because I think back home? Yeah, that’s what I struggled so much with about changing what I wanted to do all the time. Because I was like, No, I have to know what it is. So that I can make sure that I get respect for like, whatever this title is. And if I keep changing the title, then I’m like losing respect, and all of that. And now I’m just like, oh, my gosh, my priorities are just so different now. But to answer your question about the pushback, the way we responded to it is like, I mean, I’m like, I’m the youngest. And I’m the girl of the family, and I have just kind of been, I just kind of leaned into that and just kind of leaned into, I’m gonna do what I want to do. And if you tell me not to do it, I’m almost going to want to do it more. And if you’re gonna, like, talk shit about it, then I’m like, Yeah, prove you wrong. Like, that’s kind of where I go to things. And I think also, it was in tandem of this, like, this space that I have kind of started, probably when I turned 27. So I’ll be 29 in December. Okay, and so I would say for the past, like two years, it’s been a lot of questioning, basically, everything in my life, this probably started more so when I was 25. But like, really started ramping up, like, Oh, my God, I’m freaking out. Because I think that everything I’ve ever thought before might be wrong. I think I might actually be a whole different person inside. And I’m freaking out about it. It’s so coming to terms with like, not automatically just accepting whatever someone told me as truth. Yeah, was like, in, in that same time realm as like, I’m going to make these decisions for myself. And I feel like, I may not always know the best decision for myself, but I will take full responsibility, both pros and cons for whatever is gonna come next. Like, I am fully aware that like, if I make this decision, like that’s on me, and yeah, I feel good about like, I feel peace about that, I would rather do that than then sit where I’m at. And also, it’s a little bit hard to because if everyone in your hometown is giving you advice, they only know how to give you advice on how to get to where they got. And I got, I got there, I’ve been there. I don’t want to be there. So I need to talk to someone else. I need to yeah, nice from other people who have actually, like done this, or have left the nest or have like, given themselves space to grow and figure out who they are. And both of my my dad had done that like in his 20s. So he was like, I get it, you’ve got to do it, like whatever. And also they just know like, you just really can’t. I just it’s not that I don’t hold people’s opinions in high regard. It’s just that I think I have learned to hold my own intuition a lot higher these days. Yeah. Which I’m still working through, especially when it comes to like what people think about me and whatever. But I’m like, Yeah, I want to care more about how I feel about myself than I thought what you think so?

Maddy 24:06 Yes, yeah, we just and there are so many people who who don’t do that. Right. And that, oh, yeah, for a long time. Yeah, they get stuck living in the same place forever and ever and ever, or they, they believe the same thing for forever, or they stay in the same job forever, or the same relationship, whatever. I love that so much. I am learning to trust my own intuition. Almost like your own belief and self, right, like your ability to figure it out. Or to just trust yourself more than what other people have to say about it, which I love. Madison 24:35 And like give yourself more credit that like you can you can make wise choices for yourself. You actually don’t have to get like 50 million validations you could actually just say, this is what I’m doing instead of what do you think about me doing this? You could just say this is what I’m like, Maddy 24:51 Oh my gosh, everyone. Listen, I’m not the only person who talks about this all the time. I literally talk about this all the time. I’m like you on the podcast on the bench. Grab on in my membership, all the places I’m like, you can trust your own decision making skills, and know that you can, like, do the right thing. And even if it wasn’t the right thing, right, and you mentioned this, and I’ve talked about this before, even if it turns out to not be the right decision, you can make a new decision to go back to you know, what you were already doing or where you lived or a different job, whatever, like, you can change your mind. And that’s okay. Yes, that is amazing. Thank you for validating. Thank you for validating your validation. Yes. That is amazing. Okay, so now that you live in this brand new, shiny place, what are some of the things that you find yourself consistently doing that help you find more joy? On a daily basis? I have some things that popped into my mind, but it’s not my life, and I don’t want to assume so. Other things.

Madison 25:46 Oh, wait, I’m curious. No, I want to hear I want to hear. I’m like, okay, okay, hold on really quick. You know how, like, whenever Yeah, maybe this is just me, but I know it’s not because I saw some girl talk about on Tik Tok. And I was like, I’ve literally never felt more seen when you meet someone new for the first time. And then you leave and you scroll their Instagram for like two minutes. And then you scroll your own Instagram for about 45 minutes, trying to picture what they are, or like viewing you. About you? Yes, yeah. 1,000%. It’s like way more about you than it is about them. Yeah, so this is like me getting to actually do that and be like, Oh, what do you think?

Maddy 26:22 Okay, so if I were to guess 100% would be going it’s a cold pea evolve, or evolve or whatever. It’s a fitness class. Yes. That because you go there, like all the time, going to cute little coffee shops, and going to the beach multiple times a week, I don’t know. But multiple times. Yeah, literally like that. If you were like pitching yourself, I’d be like, Okay, go to this workout class. It’s super trendy. And I try to get my friends to go with me. And I go three to four times a week. And then I

Madison 26:51 You’re giving me a lot more credit on that, but.

Maddy 26:56 And I go and I eat lunch or dinner on the beach, and I like meet new people. And I also like to do all these other things.

Madison 27:03 Oh, my gosh, okay.

Maddy 27:04 Yeah, this would be my guesses.

Madison 27:06 That’s amazing. And I feel like you’re like pretty close. Again, you’re giving me way too much about how often I go to workout classes, bumped that way down. But I What were your expectations, like the week that I’m ovulating. And the week after that, I’m like going hard. And then the two weeks the week before and the week of my peer I’m like, I guess I have all these credits racked up on ClassPass, I should probably just go get a massage. So that’s actually what it’s. But I would say that the things that I’m being really intentional about are number one, I started therapy like fairly quickly as soon as we moved here. And so that’s been super helpful. Kind of challenging myself, myself in myself, oh my gosh, me and all my personalities, but challenging myself in ways that are just kind of like small. But like that make a big difference. Like, I don’t even know if this is like a great example. But I guess it is like, for example, when I was seeking out a therapist, previously, I have only ever seen a female therapist. And I have always only ever seen female everything like I’m not a doctor, any kind of anything. I just like only ever trusted women. And so I was like, you know, if I’m gonna put myself in an uncomfortable situation, let me see if I can push my boundaries a little bit and also kind of show myself that like, hey, we can also trust men as well. Like we can also Like, there are like really not that I’ve even had this like massive, horrible experience or anything like that. But I just have always been so drawn to like motherly type figures. And I’ve always said like, I just don’t do well with like, masculine energy and blah, blah, blah. But that’s actually not true. And I just wanted to prove that to myself, and also to like, kind of challenge myself in what I would normally feel comfortable with. And it’s actually yeah, like, like, as comfortable as you can’t really get up. Yeah, it’s been really good. So So I’d say therapy is a big one. Anytime Maddy 29:02 you go in person or do you go online?

Madison 29:04 Oh, definitely in person. I could not do

Maddy 29:07 Oh, that’s so funny. Yeah. Oh my gosh, I could not do in person and I have to do it online. Yeah.

Madison 29:12 Tell me why the only person I’ve ever met who’s like this?

Maddy 29:15 Yeah. Okay. So here’s why I grew up. Okay. So this is not me trauma dumping. But it’s important for the conversation. Yeah, I lived through a very traumatic experience when I was younger, and my mom forced all three of us, my brother sister and I to go to therapy, like the week after. And she and I’ve had that conversation. It was really because of what like Child Services was kind of telling her she needed to do. And so that I literally because I recognized a few months ago that I needed to go to therapy. And so I was like Googling, you know what you do, like local therapy. Yeah. I’ll google right. That’s what you do. And like literally just looking at the image of a therapists office, like started to trigger an anxiety attack. And I was like, I can’t do it. I can’t do it. I’m not doing this. And so I actually do online. And I do it through cerebral which is very similar to like BetterHelp which is like We’re all the influencers tote which is fine. But I love doing online I see Mary every single Tuesday at 11am. And it just, it just works I work from home. I can do it right here from my office where I feel safe and my husband’s here, my dogs are here. So I get why in person is for some people but I also am still a firm believer in virtual and personally love virtual therapy. I just feel like it’s any option is whatever option is best for the person is what’s best for the person. But I love that you go in person, and I love it. I’m virtual.

Madison 30:32 I know like I really I am so glad that we are showcasing, like both sides of the spectrum. Because, yes, it’s interesting that that’s where you feel most comfortable because for me, almost like, I am able to see a therapist office as like, as soon as I walk in the doors, it’s like this physical shift that I can put walls down that I normally would be keeping up, especially because I do also work from home, like you. So for me, even though it’s my home, there’s still throughout the day, I’m having client calls and talking with different co workers and things like that. So there is a level that walls have to be up a little bit. And so I feel like I’m able to have this one space where I get to be my most vulnerable, my most ugly, my most like just raw self that I would like the way that I talked to my therapist, I’m like, I wonder if you think that I’m just like this with everyone, because I think the more honest I am, the more we’re gonna cut to that we’re gonna get to this quicker. So let me just like Get it away. I’m not even going to try to pretend to like hide the ugly parts. So let me just rip off this scab. Yeah, just let it all ooze out. And so it’s just like stuff that I say. Sometimes I’m like, Oh my God. I don’t think that’s ever come out of my mouth before. And here we are. So but yeah, so therapy’s been a big one going to the beach, which is something that I feel really connected. Like, just to myself and to the earth and spiritually and all the things whenever I’m in nature. Yeah. Which I never thought I would say ever. I used to say that I wasn’t a nature girly. But that’s because I grew up in Houston. And you can’t go in nature. Because number one, it doesn’t exist. It’s only chemical plants. And then so and then just being around people, I’m a big people person. And I think that’s something that I struggled with a lot back home in my hometown, I really struggled to make friends. As an adult. That was like, the hardest thing and everyone just, it’s like, no matter how much I talked about how I struggled with that, I don’t think it really like clicked in people’s heads because I’m so bubbly and because I’m so extroverted because I do have a lot of friends online. But I’m like, that’s great, but I can’t ask them to go grab lunch with me. I can’t go grab coffee I am or have them over. When I’m like crying. I’m not gonna call them on a FaceTime. But I mean, yeah, well, but like, you know, bawling my eyes out. Like, it’s just it’s a different vibe. And so being out here, it’s been like, almost effortless to be able to make friends. And I know that hasn’t been your experience. And that like makes me so sad. Like I literally like, can I just show up and like, round up all the girls and be like, listen, Maddy is your girl now. Okay, welcome to the throttle. You This is your new wife, like, literally,

Maddy 33:13 okay, just so people understand. I said Mads a message like, I don’t know, four or five weeks ago, and I was like, Please spill the beans on how you’re making all these friends. Because I’m actively trying, and nothing is happening, like literally. And I just think it’s, I think it’s one of those things where you have you have to be open to it, right, like you, on an individual level have to be open to making new friends. And since we’ve chatted, I’ve actually had one girl who I’ve really connected with here locally, she and I actually went to trivia night last week, and it was super fun. But it’s one of those things. It’s another thing I’m talking to Mary about, like how we make friends as grownups. And I just think that it’s so everyone has their own unique experience, right? Like we all have things that we’re really focusing on and things that we’re doing really well and things that we’re you know, trying really hard at but not doing so well at but that’s okay. But ya know, it’s been a completely different situation here. And I don’t think that it’s because of the location. And I don’t think it’s because of the people I just think that I’m in a season where I proactively. And like I’m not afraid to say this desperately want in person friends, I don’t want to have to drag my husband to home goods or target or like the beach every single weekend. Like I want to be able to call someone up and be like, I’m going to home goods you want to get a $7 latte and then go to the beach afterwards and have them be like sign Yes, I do. Like let’s go Yeah, fine. Yeah, girl. But we’re not giving up we’re not giving up I’ve said this I’ve said this to my mom multiple times. I was like, I will be on my deathbed and not have to say at least I didn’t try right making friends. Like I tried. Like I go to things I invite people to things we see what happens. So I love that though finding where are you so for other people, because this is a conversation I have in DMS a lot is how to make friends or how to connect in person. So can you share with us and this is like random question, but I think it’s gonna be helpful for people. How are you finding your friends? And how were you kind of getting through that awkwardness? Because it is kind of awkward to like, be like, do you want to be my friend? Like, I haven’t done that since third grade? Right? Like, how do you how are you finding your people? How are you connecting with people?

Madison 35:17 This is literally what I do is be my friend. I love the problem. Like you wouldn’t be my friend. No, I’m very direct about it. Because a lot of people here are almost all of my friends that I have made here have only lived here for like a year or two. So a lot of people are also new. And that’s why I’m saying like, I know, you think it may not be the location, but I don’t know how often how often people are like turning over in Charleston, where San Diego is a very like, you go, you have a good time for a few years, and then you go move somewhere else a new move back home or something like that. Yeah, not a lot of people to my Well, I haven’t, again, I’ve only met a lot of people who just recently moved there, or who have like, moved here like five years ago. And since then all of their friends have moved away. So now they’re having to start over with a new friend group, because like I said, People move on. And I think a good portion of that, too, is just because like housing is so expensive. And if you do want to start a family like it’s just it’s yeah, not the most ideal. Yeah, so I quite literally will find girls on Instagram or Tiktok. And if I see their content, and I’m like, oh, yeah, you’re a girly Alex knows what that means. Like, he will see someone go, oh, that’s one of the girlies. And like, he just, it’s a bike. Like, it’s the vibe, it’s like the way that they’re probably also having a boyfriend take pictures of that, like, it’s just I love that Harley’s who are like reading, calling Hoover and yeah, paying too much for a latte and going to fun fitness classes and all the things. And I will send them a message saying I just did this last week actually, I will say something along the lines of like, Hey, I just recently moved to San Diego, I just found your page and feel like we have so much in common. I might list a few things of what we have in common. And then I’ll say like, I am looking to make some friends like would you ever be interested in like meeting up for coffee? Or like hanging out at the beach or something? And it doesn’t love? It doesn’t always work? So you do have to have like, yeah, medium skin. I wouldn’t say thick skin but like medium skin? Or like it’s gross. Like I want to retract that statement that’s making me I don’t know, I hate the word skin sometimes. Words like people say moist like, I worry about skin sometimes anyways. Yep. Was they say oh, so I would say like, eight times out of 10. I’m not even gonna say nine, eight times out of 10 people will respond. And then it’s just like the follow up game and actually getting something on the calendar as soon as they say like, yeah, that sounds great. Immediately responding with great, what’s your availability look like next week? I’ve been wanting to try this coffee shop like have you been it looks so great, or whatever. And then like, as I’m meeting new people, I kind of just rope in the others that I’ve already met with. And I’m like, Hey, would you be cool if I also bring these other girls that I’ve met and then we can all meet make friends. And then I just have like, keep grouping them up. So I’m like creating my face.

Maddy 36:22 I’m like, stunned, I’m like, Oh my God. I’m like, This is the secret.

Madison 38:19 This is the secret. This is my only method. And so like for instance, I had a Summer I Turned Pretty season premiere party. So yeah, it was really fun. It was the cutest thing ever. I know, even watch this show, I want to go No, I know. And actually most of the girls had never even heard of the show. But they all watched it just as if they could come to this party. So I had been meeting all these people. And I would say that there was like 17 girls showed up. And I would say at least two or three of them. I had never met in person before and I just gave them my address and was like, Hey, how come? We weren’t like we were planning on you know, meeting up for coffee anyways, might as well. And it just was so easy and so fun because I put everyone in a group DM ahead of time so that they could all know each other. Like okay, that is probably the best thing I could have ever done. Because yeah, then they’re not having to worry about trying to get each other’s Instagrams at the party. Oh, you actually already have been chatting for like at least two or three weeks now and have already vetted each other because I’m not about being a group DM go into a party and not sussing out everyone is gonna be there. Yeah, no, you are too Right. And so then you’re actually there and then you’re like, getting to Vive and then afterwards, I just kept the DM going and I started adding more people to it that I would meet and I would say hey, I’ve I started this group DM called SD besties. Do you want to, you know, join and so now everyone shares what they’re doing. They’re like, Hey, I’m going surfing at six. Does anyone want to join? Hey, I’m gonna go take a pee ball class tomorrow morning. If anyone wants to join like, I it’s just been. Yeah, great. So that’s probably like my biggest piece of advice is don’t be afraid to reach out out, don’t be afraid to be third grade and say, Do you want to be my friend? Because, yeah, like a lot of people.

Maddy 40:05 That’s what I need to do. Madison 40:06 Yeah. Well, okay, let’s let’s break this down. Like, how much time do we have? Do? Are your episodes normally like an hour?

Maddy 40:12 Yeah. And we can usually do like 45 minutes is we’re Madison 40:14 Oh, sweet. Okay, let me let’s let’s, if you want to dissect what your current strategy is, because I’m curious.

Maddy 40:22 Here’s the thing. So here’s the thing. I. So there’s a couple of local women’s groups here in Charleston, and there’s a few of them that I’m in, and people will be like, Oh, I’m going to the beach on Sunday. Does anyone? Does anyone want to go, I reach out to that person. I say, Hey, I see your post. I’d love to go. Where are you going? Oh, I’d love that beach. Let’s go together. Yeah. And it’s like, okay, cool. That this, the disconnect comes at the follow through of the other person. Yeah. Like, I’m very much the one, like, let’s go to live in let’s go at noon, let’s go to this place. And then it’ll come to be like, the day of, and the person will be like, oh, sorry, something came up, I can no longer go. And I’m just like, Okay, we got so close. And so normally, I’m like, Okay, well, if you have time, like let’s reschedule, I’d love to still meet up someday, like, actively trying. And it’s one of those things that I just feel like a lot of times, it’s the follow up, it’s the follow through, not the follow up. It’s the follow through on actually attending the friendship date that has been planned. Because I feel like that’s something that a lot of us, especially our age struggles with, is following through on a commitment that you’ve made, and not copping out at the last second because you’re scared or nervous, or something genuinely did come up, right. Sometimes things you know, actually happen. So yeah, that’s usually what it is. It’s, it’s someone will make a post or I’ll make a post and I try to DM these people and we set up the date. And then the day of, it’ll be like, oh, sorry, I can’t go anymore. And then I’m like, Okay, well, do you want to reschedule? What’s another day, and then nothing ever happens. That’s, that’s what’s currently happening. So and like I said, I am going to steal your idea of like, bringing in old new friends into new new friends situations, and trying to expand that way. So yeah, that’s kind of where the disconnect is. But I’m trying. We’re Yeah, like trying.

Madison 42:13 Well, I feel like that’s also a great way of like, having the people that you’re meeting, at least kind of all meet up together because then you can also say, like, Hey, I would love to do like a girl’s like coffee date in the park that Saturday morning. Like, I like bring a friend and then you’re getting to also meet their friends and you’re like expanding your circle through their circles and kind of getting to branch out into Mutual’s with other people. So it’s just it does suck, like, and I again, like, I have such empathy because I just came from that, like, I just Yeah, I think that’s why I’m also in such a happier state of mind right now, because I thrive around people like I took strengths finders, you said you responded my story, right about strengths finders. Yeah. Yeah, so my top two categories are community relationship building and influencing. So I’m, like, cool, like, am I gonna be a full time content creator? So like, I

Maddy 43:11 like where am I billion followers,

Madison 43:13 right, like, seriously worry a lot. But I feel like, for me in order to, like, really enjoy life, like, I am learning to be happier by myself at times, but I have just always, like, loved being around other people. Like, I enjoy getting to share life experiences with other people like, and again, I’m trying to balance that out by also still doing stuff by myself. Like, I went watch the sunset by myself last week. And that was like, Cool and magical. Yeah, but I would like to balance that out a bit more to be more like 75% with people 25% More by myself. But it sucks. It sucks. Like when you crave that so bad. Like, and you were saying I go I feel desperate? Like I get that I fully fully get that. It’s hard.

Maddy 43:58 Yeah, yeah. And I think it’s one of those things that a lot of us at our age are trying to figure out how to do. So if anyone sends me a message I’m just gonna be like, go talk to my friend Mads like she’s she’s doing it she’s fighting she’s fighting her bro.

Madison 44:10 This is what I would just like find people like if I’m not finding a lot of these people in groups, a lot of these people I literally just see them tag like a cute like, if there’s a cute coffee shop, like either tags photos, go to their tags, photos and see what where the girls are at. Okay, the girl if you want to do the girly things that you want to do, or whatever. And or like it could be anything like stand up paddleboard, like whoever is going to be tagging these places that you also want to go have experiences that see who’s going and having those experiences and reach out and literally just send them that same like, script. Okay. Like, I love that I’ve even used the phrase before like I know like it like it feels weird. Like we’re back in kindergarten sometimes to say like, do you want to be my friend but do you want to be my friend? Yeah, like that. have, you know, like, and I think that people Yeah, I think people appreciate it. I don’t. If you think that’s weird, you’re not for me, you know, like, you have a bad reaction to it. That’s not on me. And that just tells me like, oh, that actually was not a good fit. And I would actually rather know that now.

Maddy 45:18 Yeah, yeah, totally. I love that so much. Oh, my gosh. Mads, I could talk to you forever. I know. I should know, before we wrap this up. I’ll text you don’t worry. Okay, so here. Here’s one more question. And this is something I always ask my interview guests. So if you have to take a few seconds to think about it, take your few seconds. If someone listening to this episode is currently thinking, Man, I wish I could be like this girl. She seems so cool. So happy, like she, you know, I just want to be I want to be like her. What would you tell them to do?

Madison 45:53 I would tell them that I that I don’t want them to be like me, I want them to be like them. Like I want them to figure out what that version of themselves looks like. And whatever it is that you’re seeing in me that you want for yourself. Like, what is that? Is it the joy, like it doesn’t have to look like the things that bring me joy, it could be what brings you joy. And I think that that’s like, that is a whole journey in and of itself to figure out who you are and the things that light you up and that make you feel alive. And that’s something that has taken me a really long time. And I’m still I’m almost like at the beginning stage of actually putting that into practice right now. So like, for a long time, I would just do the same thing. I would see someone and I was like, I want their life. And so I would try it on and I’d be like, Wait, why isn’t this thing making me happy? Why isn’t this like, Yeah, I’m just gonna use like Stanley Cup, for example, because I have one on my chest right now. Why, you know the influencer, who I wanted her life, like I bought the things that she had, and I took the classes that she took, and I did those things. Why am I not feeling that way. And it’s like, because that’s what made that person happy, like Stanley Cup to be happy. Don’t get me wrong, but like, it’s just, I that would be my advice is to actually look more inward and be inspired. Have other people who have those similar qualities that you want. Be inspired to know that that’s available to you, when you are your most authentic self. Like, the more you can get back to your most authentic, most genuine, most true to who you really are, the more you’re going to feel free to experience like those deep, deep, you know, levels of joy and happiness. And yeah, I think you only find that within as cheesy as it sounds.

Maddy 47:35 I love that so much. Oh my gosh, so good. Okay, Mad’s exploit yourself, Where can we find you? Where can we hang out with you give me all the places give me all the things?

Madison 47:44 Well, my lovely throttle, you can find me at Madison, Baleia, nya on Instagram and Tiktok. And I do have YouTube. I just started in June. Right. So yeah, it’s been fun. I love to make content. I love to get to share fun, happy things that I’m finding and also things I’m learning in therapy and fun book wrecks and things that I’m making it and all the things so I would love to see the amazing.

Maddy 48:12 Wait, I have to ask you what your therapist name,

Madison 48:15 his name is Chris. Shout out to Chris. And also, Chris has scrubbed the internet because I can’t find that man anywhere. I’m like, you like do you go by a different name? Like, I can’t find you.

Maddy 48:26 It’s amazing. He probably has no like he has people like you trying to find him. But like, give him the follow on the internet.

Madison 48:34 I don’t want to follow him. I just want to do a little dig. I just want to like no holds spill in my life too. You know, I tried to sneak in questions every time

Maddy 48:44 about his social pages.

Madison 48:46 No, no, just about his life. Like I just want to know. Like? Where are you from? Did you also have religious trauma? Like? Just like to know to go to high school? I went here. Yeah.

Maddy 49:09 That’s amazing. Oh, my gosh. Well, that’s thank you so much for being on the living in sunshine podcast. I had such a great time. I can talk to you for forever honest to God.

Madison 49:17 No for real. I really could like this could be an eight hour just yeah, I really Yeah.

Maddy 49:22 We’ll have you back. All right. That’s thank you so much, everyone listening in on our throuple conversation. Thank you so much for being here. Go give Mads a follow. Go get subscribed to her podcast, go find her on tick tock all the things. She’s amazing. You’re gonna love her. And thank you so much for listening. Bye, Mads. girlfriend. Thank you so much for listening to today’s new episode. If you loved it, please send it to a friend share it on Instagram and tag me so I can see and consider leaving the show a rating or a review. Ratings and reviews are kind of like sharing or liking a post on Instagram, and they really help the show grow and reach new women just like yo, be sure to subscribe to the podcast so you never miss a new episode and until next week I am sending you all the sunshine good vibes and I hope you make it a great day