EPISODE 123: [STORYTIME] A Real Update on My Mental Health


Let’s do an update on my mental health & what is really helping me to get back to a good place! I dropped an episode about a year ago talking about my experience with therapy, medication, and getting mental health support, and I thought it was time to give you an update. 


Mental health is something that we all deal with differently. My hope is that by sharing my story, it gives you the permission or hope to support your own mental health in a way that works best for you. If you want to talk more personally about my experience with therapy, please send me a message on Instagram! 



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TRY CEREBRAL (affiliate link): 





Hey, Bestie, and welcome to the living in sunshine podcast. I’m your host, Maddy fry. And around here we are all about encouraging, inspiring, and giving you the tough love that you need to hear to get out there and live as your best self. Each and every Wednesday, you can expect to learn tangible tips to help you find your bigger purpose, be given simple action steps that you can take in order to make progress toward your biggest dreams. And hear how you can purposely pursue joy on the daily. So sit down, grab your favorite drink. And let’s have a girl chat. This is the living in sunshine podcast. Good morning. Good morning, my dudes and Happy Wednesday. And welcome back to the living in sunshine podcast. I am so glad to be tuning in and checking in with you guys and giving you a real raw update on my mental health. This is something that I have chatted about in the on the show, I guess I should say on the show in the past. It’s something that I talk about quite frequently over on Instagram, in my membership spaces. But I wanted to kind of give an update on my own mental health here on the podcast kind of like a year later, because I’m pretty sure I had a podcast go live about a year ago last summer, updating you guys on all of the things. And I’m super excited to sort of give you an inside scoop, open up my brain show you what’s going on and talk to you about my journey back into therapy. But before we dive in today, I just wanted to encourage you and ask and request all of those things that you make sure that you are following the show. If you’re listening to it on Apple podcasts. To do that, you’re going to click the little plus sign in the top right button. It’s at the top of the screen on the right. And if you’re listening to it on Spotify or Google Play, there is a button that you can click that says follow or subscribe. And when you do this, your weekly podcast episodes that come out each and every Wednesday for me will be instantly downloaded into your podcast library, so you never miss a new episode. And another small ask that I have for you is to leave the show a rating or a review if you haven’t yet already. When you leave a rating or a review for a podcast, it’s essentially like giving it a LIKE or a follow or a comment over on Instagram or Tiktok. And it just helps to push the show out to new ears and new women just like you who are wanting to feel validated in knowing that they’re not crazy for wanting more, or they can feel seen and inspired and encouraged to pursue a big dream. So if this podcast of the living in sunshine podcast has helped you at all, please go help the show help me out by leaving us a rating or review over on Apple podcasts. Because that really does help the show grow and reach more women just like you. Okay, and now that my shameless self plugs for following and subscribing and liking and commenting and all those things are out of the way. Let’s go ahead and talk about mental health. So before we get into it, I just want to put a blanket statement out there that if you are not in a space to hear about somebody else’s mental health struggles, that’s okay, if this episode is not for you, I totally honor that. Go ahead and click out now you can come back next week, we have about 120 other episodes you can go listen to if you haven’t listened to them already. If you have you are the real MVP, right the goat the greatest of all time. But we are going to be talking about things like anxiety, worry, going to therapy, medications, all of these different things today, in today’s episode, it is a very open and honest, raw conversation with me. That has been a long time coming. And I’m really excited about it. But I also understand and honor that not everyone can take listening to somebody else’s mental health journey. And that’s totally fine. So if today is not the episode for you, I’ll see you next week. Come back for a brand new episode. You can come follow me on Instagram. I’m sure I’m saying something outlandish ly inappropriate probably talking about poop or my dogs or fleas or I have no idea can be anything. Go follow me over there. It’s at living the letter N sunshine. And I’ll see you again next week. Okay, so let’s talk about how my anxiety has been really not great. So this is something that I actually talked about a little bit in last week’s episode with Mads. If you didn’t catch our interview last week, I encourage you to go listen to it. She and I both talk openly and candidly about going to therapy and having anxiety and just really wanting to improve and do things that are good for us. But I wanted to kind of expand on that a little bit more and kind of give you an inside scoop. And the reason for this is not because I feel like I have to or not that anyone really has asked, which is fine. This is not me being like no one cares about me. This is me just being like no one’s really asked. But I feel like it’s important to talk about because, and I’ve said this before, when we share our stories publicly with others that we know like trust and want to spend time with. We are better able to connect with others. I truly believe and I have I’ve done talks about this. I’ve done speaking events about this but the way that we build connections with others is by sharing a little part of ourselves. And while I love a good trauma dump if you ever need to try dump on anyone. We should be for coffee because I love a good trauma dump. And boy, oh boy do I gotta do I have trauma to dump, let me tell you, when we do this, right, when we share a little piece of ourselves with others, we connect with that person on a deeper level. And so this is me extending my hand to you to say, let’s connect, like, let’s talk, let’s be honest, let’s lower the stigma of struggling mental health or good mental health or anything like that, just talking about mental health in general. And let’s get on it, like, let’s be real. And let’s connect. So if you have followed me for long enough, you know that I am an anxious high achiever. I posted a reel a couple months ago that went like Mega viral for my account about how my husband’s beige flag is like not giving into my anxious delusions, and the comments on it was literally bananas, because it was number one a joke. But number two, it was one of those things where I had so many people being like, Oh, my God, this is me, oh, my gosh, this is my relationship. I’m this person in my relationship, yada, yada. And again, it just sort of proved my point that when we share a little bit about ourselves, we connect on a deeper level. So how are things going? How is how is my mental health, right? If I were to rank it on a scale of one to 1010, being like, I’m curled up in my bed, unable to leave my house wearing nothing but my you know, holy underwear and a big giant t shirt, because we all have those articles of clothing in our closet. Today, as I’m recording this, I would say that I’m at like a four, maybe a three, which is really good, right? I’m like almost never not feeling anxious ever, which is funny to people like my husband who like nothing ever bothers him ever. And I’m just like, What do you think about all day, like what goes on in your head? I don’t know what that’s like not having voices in my head talking to me. But there has definitely been seasons and days and weeks this year, especially where my mental health is at like an eight or a nine. And I’m really struggling. And so back in July, probably right around the beginning of July, probably mid July, I actually started therapy again. And this is not anything new to me. If you have listened to my past episodes about talking about having anxiety, and going to therapy, all these things I have been in therapy before I actually went to therapy as a small child after a pretty traumatic event in VA, involving, you know, incarcerated parents, and drunken outbursts, all of these different things. And that experience was with therapy at a younger age was actually really also traumatic. And this is something that I have talked to my own current therapist about this is something that I’ve talked to friends about, but it just wasn’t a good experience. And so a year ago, maybe two years ago, now, when I was like I’m struggling, and what I’m doing isn’t working, I need to try and seek help, right. I knew that online therapy was going to be my thing. Like I knew that that’s what I needed. Because going to a physical office literally triggers my anxiety, it really does. So I went to therapy probably a year ago, it was either in 2021, or 2022. And I went through the reroll, which is an online therapy platform, very similar to better help or open talk. I think that’s what it’s called Open talk. Maybe that’s not what it’s called.
But I go to I went to Cerebro, two years ago. And he recently when I started therapy again, that’s also who I went through. So I’m still using cerebro. If you are looking for therapy, I will put a link down in the description in the shownotes. It is an affiliate link, it’s like you get some money off and I get some money off of my own sessions. So if you use it, just keep that in mind. But I am back using cerebral. But this time, I’m doing the therapy only platform option that they have. And the reason I say this is because when I went to therapy, back in 2021 or 2022 I did their medication and counseling offer package because that’s really what I needed. Like I needed something to help me neurologically balanced out because I was so high strung and so wound up and so just really unable to function. And this time around and 2023 that’s not really where I’m at. If I were to categorize myself now I would say that I am a high functioning high achieving anxious human being. That’s just kind of how I’ve always been. But this time around, I didn’t do the medication, and there’s nothing wrong with doing medication medication really helped me during that time in that season that I needed it. But now a few years later, I am kind of at the point where I don’t want to numb and I don’t want to just slap a bandaid on it. I really am working to flesh it out. This is a really gross metaphor. I’m really sorry. But I’m really ready to just like, disinfect the wounds and like flush them out and clean them up and let them heal. And I feel as if, for me, and this is speaking totally to me. When I went to therapy before, I wasn’t in that headspace, I was in a headspace of, I need to figure this out, I’m really panicking, I don’t want to have to deal with my shit, I don’t want to have to, you know, address the issues from my childhood, I’m not ready for that. And that’s kind of why I went the medication route because it does, you know, neurologically medicinally help to regulate you, right. But that’s not what I wanted. This time. This time, I kind of came to the conclusion that I was struggling, right, because I was, but I was also ready to address the issue and address the open wounds from my childhood, from recent years from, from recent experiences, and really work to let them heal. And that’s why I go to therapy. Now. Every single week, I have a standing meeting with my therapist, her name is Mary, she is a doll, I love her. She literally reminds me of like a sweet southern grandma, who will like drop the F bomb and, and really listen to you. But also like tell you like, like, literally we started our sessions. And I’m like, Hi, Mary. She’s like, Hi, sweetie, how are you? And I’m just thinking, I don’t think you’re supposed to call your patients sweetie. But honestly, I love that. So I’m not gonna say anything about it. But I am in therapy now to really flesh out the issues from my past and to really kind of heal from growing up in an abusive household growing up where there wasn’t a lot of food in the house. And we kind of went without, sometimes we had everything we ever needed. Don’t get me wrong, like, we weren’t in any danger or anything beyond a certain point. But there were definitely clear signs that we were going with less. And while there are people that I personally know and that I don’t know, who had it way worse as a child, the things that I grew up in and grew up, dealing with still lot left a lot of emotional turmoil, I guess is a good word for a lot of emotional baggage. And this time around, I really just wanted to work on those things and really flush them out. Like that’s kind of and that was something that Mary, my therapist asked me, she’s like, why are you here? Not in a judgmental way. She was just trying to, you know, gain clarity, right? And she wanted me to speak it out. She’s like, why? Now? Why are you wanting to work in and go to therapy now? Like, like, how will you know, when you’ve kind of beat the game? Right? How will you know when therapy has worked for you. And I just said to her, I was like, I’m here because I’m finally at the place mentally, where I want to face my inner demons. And I don’t want to just quiet them with medication. And I don’t want to just tell them to go away. And I don’t want to pretend like they’re not there. I’m ready to finally look them in the face and say, I’m in control. This is my life, and I’m ready to let you go. I’m ready to not let you speak evil words into my head or tell me that I’m stupid. Or tell me you know, any of the things that you those inside voices in your brain, right? If you know what I’m saying, You know what I’m saying? Tell you and she’s like, okay, then I think that this is going to be a really good thing for you. And so it’s it’s one of those things that we’re growing through, and we’re working through. And it’s something that is going to be a process, something that something that I believe you you ebb and flow from I personally think that therapy as someone who has been in and out of therapy for a lot of her life is something that is not a forever thing. For some people it is for me it is not. And I think that it’s one of those things that I needed to come to it when I was ready to. And when I was ready to face the things that I needed to face. And this is the year 2023 all year long, has been a year of me doing what I know I need to do for myself, even if it makes me uncomfortable. Even if it makes me try new things that make me want to crap my pants, even if it is something that makes me anxious and full transparency. Going to therapy makes me anxious. I literally call my sessions with Mary a meeting with Mary because saying I have therapy at 11 on Tuesday makes me anxious because of past experiences within therapy. So it’s one of those things that this is the year 2023 is a year that I kind of forced myself to do the things that make me uncomfortable that make me a little bit anxious that I know are good for me, but are hard to say yeah, I need I need to do that in. And it’s been really good for me, right? Every single week I sit, I sit down with Mary, I sit at my desk, it’s all online, which I really prefer and really love. And we chat and we and we chat about things like how work is going, we talk about things with Lucas and I, we talk about things with, for my childhood, we talk about things with my dad, who I do not have a great commerce or a great relationship with at all. And we, we flesh it out. And I’ve seen over the last two ish months of going to therapy that it really helps. And I’ve also noticed that certain things trigger specific emotions that I’m like, Okay, next week, I want to talk about that I want to, I want to work through that a little bit more, because obviously, I’m harboring some emotions there. And I want to know why. And we talked about other things like making friends and being an adult and financial stability and all of these different things. And so that’s kind of where I’m at. I am wavering between a four on good days, right? On the best days of the week, like today’s a pretty good day, I feel good, I feel cute, I feel pretty, I feel strong, I feel happy. And I’m probably still at a four right, there are things that kind of still have my anxiety running around, you know, behind my eyes. But there are also days where I’m at like an eight or a nine and I find myself fidgeting, I find myself avoiding my work, I find myself procrastinating I find myself wanting to go get back in bed. And both are okay. That’s why we go get help. That’s why we talk about these things with other people. That’s why I’m making an entire podcast episode that goes out there onto the public internet space for anyone to listen to, to talk about it. Because if you are currently at an eight or a nine or a 10, I want you to know that you’re not alone. And there’s nothing wrong with you. I think that you should go talk to someone, a professional if you can, if you can afford it. But if nothing else, someone that you know you like you trust, and know that it’s a season, right? This isn’t forever. This doesn’t have to be your life forever. You don’t have to stay in this spot if you don’t want to. And I want you to know that even the happiest people because I consider myself a very happy person, high energy bouncing off the wall. Like I’m literally a border collie. Okay. Some people are golden retrievers, I’m a border collie. I’m psycho. I’m literally all over the place all the time, my sweet husband, God bless him.
I want you to know that even those people have their own issues. We’re all battling something. And if you are battling something right now, you’re not alone in that. And I hope that by hearing my little update, and listening to why I started therapy, and what kind of triggered it and and where I’m at and kind of my ranking system, right? I hope that it shows you that you can take care of yourself in this way too. It’s not too late in the year for you to start to make progress towards whatever goals that you have. And if getting your mental health back in order into a space where you feel good and you feel happy and you feel excited about life. It’s not too late to do that you do not have to wait until 2024. To say, that’s when I take care of myself. That’s when I go to therapy, that’s when I start to work out that’s when I start to eat well, bla bla, right, like, we don’t have to wait, we can do it right now. So again, if you are someone who is considering therapy, or you want to explore online therapy options, I’m going to link cerebral down in the show notes that is an affiliate code and link just so you know, you get some kickback, I get some kickback if you use it. And if you want to chat more about cerebral or about therapy or about mental health to a certain extent, right. I’m not a professional. I’m not saying like come to me for professional advice, because I will tell you to go seek out a professional, then send me a message over on Instagram, let’s chat about it. And my hope for you is that this episode inspires you to take action to take better care of yourself because that’s what we all need to do a little bit more. I feel like it does so much good for you and the people in your life when you do. And I want you to know that I love you. And I’m so glad that you’re here listening to this show. And I’m so glad that you’re here on this earth that doing things and sharing your gift and being amazing. And I hope that this episode gives you hope that you can get better because I’m getting better because I’ve invested in myself in this way. And that is everything that I have for you. I think today kind of just a fresh quick update on my mental health. There are good days or bad days. All days are fine. We get through them all the same. And I hope that you remember that you can go and take care of yourself today too. If you loved today’s episode, please go share your biggest takeaways over on Instagram and tag me. My handle is at living the letter N sunshine. If you want to just send me a message. I’m fine with that too. I understand that this is kind of a real raw, honest, personal topic to be sharing about on your Instagram stories. So if you’d rather connect via DMS that’s totally fine as well. I love you so much, my friend. Stay Wonderful, stay beautiful. And until next week, I am sending you all the sunshine good vibes, and I hope you make it a great day, girlfriend. Thank you so much for listening to today’s new episode. If you loved it, please send it to a friend share it on Instagram and tag me so I can see and consider leaving the show a rating or a review. Ratings and reviews are kind of like sharing or liking a post on Instagram, and they really help the show grow and reach new women just like you. Be sure to subscribe to the podcast so you never miss a new episode. And until next week, I am sending you all the sunshine, good vibes and I hope you make it a great day.