It’s that time of year again where I give you a big ol’ update on my mental health & mental healing journey. Some content warnings for this episode include therapy, mental health, medications, and anxiety.
I hope that by listening to today’s new episode you feel so seen and supported in starting or continuing your own mental health journey. If you want to talk about anything more personally, feel free to send me a message on Instagram! @livingnsunshine
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EPISODE TRANSCRIPT:
Maddy:
Hey bestie, and welcome to the living in sunshine podcast. I’m your host, Maddy fry. And around here we are all about encouraging, inspiring, and giving you the tough love that you need to hear to get out there and live as your best self. Each and every Wednesday, you can expect to learn tangible tips to help you find your bigger purpose. be given simple action steps that you can take in order to make progress toward your biggest dreams. And hear how you can purposely pursue joy on the daily. So sit down, grab your favorite drink. And let’s have a girl chat. This is the living in sunshine podcast. Good morning. Good morning. Welcome back to the living in sunshine podcast. My name is Maddy fry. And I am so excited that you are back again for another brand new episode. For today’s new episode, I will be completely honest, I actually had a different episode, completely recorded, edited, uploaded all of the things. And it was one of those things where I was thinking about it. And the more I kind of thought about what I was talking about in that episode, the more I kind of reflected on the fact that like I didn’t agree with what I said. And so I just want to share that as a reminder that you are always allowed to change your mind. And when you know better you can do better. And sometimes it’s okay to have one opinion or feeling or thought and believe it with your whole chest at one point. And a few weeks later be like, actually, I don’t really agree with that, like I can see fault. And what I said and I take it back and I’m not, you know putting it out there into the ether. Because I no longer stand by it. And so if you have ever been in that situation, or you are currently in that situation where you’re kind of like, well, I said this at one point, and now I don’t you know, believe it or agree with it or stand by it anymore. Like that’s okay. That’s called learning and growing and evolving and being better, and hopefully getting better, to be better. So I just wanted to send out that little reminder because this episode is actually not what I anticipated or not what I had planned for it to be. But I decided to go a different direction with today’s episode. And for today’s episode, we are doing a mental health anxiety checkup. So we are going to be talking about themes of mental health and trauma, PTSD, going to therapy, anxiety, all of those things. So that is your content warning, if you are triggered by those things, or you are not currently in a state of mind where you feel safe or comfortable or able to listen to those conversations about those things. Feel free to bypass this episode, we will be back again in two weeks with another radio episode that you can listen to. And we have over 150 other episodes that you can go back and listen to. But I always love to do these little mental health checkups and updates with you guys. Because every time I do I get messages from you guys on Instagram, which I love to get. I’m just kind of thanking me for being so honest. And I truly have gotten this enough times to where I feel like I can say this, um, I am so honored when people come to me and they say, I started therapy because you have shared your journey. Or I have recognized that I may be suffering from PTSD or anxiety or whatever, because you shared your story because you talked about going to therapy, I have started to feel safe enough to process and reflect and get help on those feelings that I’ve been struggling with and dealing with and battling with for however long it’s been. And it really does mean the world to me and it it is never lost on me. The two double sided, you know, nests of this. All right, for some people talking about mental health is very stigmatized, and very much something that they were raised to not feel safe to talk about. I was one of those people. And for other people therapy and getting support for their mental health has always been acceptable. So it’s just everyone is in a different spot on the spectrum when it comes to mental health and therapy and medications for mental health and all of these different things. So I am very much strongly in the camp of everyone. I don’t care who you are, I don’t care what your personal background is, I don’t know, I don’t care what your current season of life is. Everyone would benefit from going to therapy, at least for a month. It is extremely healthy and healing and what is the word cleansing to have a safe person to go and talk to that is trained and a professional in talking? Yes, we can talk to our friends. Yes, we can have people in our family or whatever that we feel safe enough to talk to. But there’s something to be said. And there’s some some it’s a higher level of support in my experience when you’re talking to a professional who has been professionally trained to support you in what you’re talking about. So I’m in the camp that everyone should go to therapy, at least for four weeks just to sort of See what comes from it. And I’m also firmly in the camp that if you are someone who loves to take medications to help even out your brain, and help you feel safe and happy and joyful and comfortable in your own life, I love that for you, I have done that in the past, I am not currently taking any medications just as a as an update. At one point for probably six months, I was taking a very low dose of a generic Lexapro, which is an anti anxiety medication. And it helped so much at that point in my life, I was really struggling with a lot of different things. This was back probably two years ago now 2021 Oh, gosh, maybe three years ago, oh, my goodness, when you realize that life has just sped by you, um, there was about six months back in 2021, where I was on a very low dose of a generic Lexapro which again, is an anti anxiety medication that was prescribed to me by a professional. And it really helped. And I, you know, I saw that I was sleeping better. And I saw that my brain was functioning better. And there was kind of this lifting of the fog that had settled in my brain and in my subconscious, that I needed to be lifted. But after some time, I decided to, you know, take myself off that medication, again, with consultation of a doctor of a professional, which is always recommended and preferred. And we, I went back to therapy about this time last year, July ish of 2023. And started weekly talk therapy. And so it’s been a little over a year now with my therapist, Mary, at this point, y’all know when I say Mary, who I’m talking about, because I think I talked about Mary, like every other week on this show, because I just love her so so much. And so for today’s episode, I wanted to kind of do a full comprehensive update in terms of what my current treatment is how I’m currently supporting myself, and just generally shed some light as to what I talked to Mary about, because I think a lot of people assume that there’s only certain things that people talk about in therapy, when that’s not always the case. And I have come to learn that over the last 18 months of hanging out with Mary. So as I was talking about, I started medication and therapy back in 2021. When I was really, really, really in a deep spot with my anxiety. I woke up anxious every day, I had nightmares that kept me awake almost every single night, I could not sleep through the night, I was waking up exhausted, I was losing my motivation, and drive and passion for all of the things that used to bring me life really, truly. And I needed to get help for that. And so I started with cerebral, which I’m a big fan of if you are someone who wants online therapy, or medical or medication support for your mental health, and they are a great platform, they accept insurance. I love them. I’ve actually worked with them in the past. And they’re a great platform to use. There’s tons of options. I chose Cerebro, because I thought it was a little more affordable than other online therapy platforms that you might see. And I did that for about six months, I was starting to feel really good and feel better. And so 2022 I stopped treatment, and I stopped taking medication. And then 2020 22 happened. And then my husband and I moved to South Carolina, and I was starting to feel just anxious and unsettled. And really 2023 was a year of intentional reflection and desire to heal from past wounds that I hadn’t ever really felt before. And I started therapy again. And my therapist Mary, I’ll never forget she said Why are you starting therapy? Why are you coming back to cerebral? Can you explain that to me, I see that you did medication in the past to support your anxiety. So why are you back? And I just said to her, I was like I recently turned 28 And I have old wounds and scars from my childhood that I’m tired of letting fester and without being graphic.
Without being graphic, the way that I was dealing with my past trauma before in 2021 was kind of like slapping a bandaid on an open wound, right? It does the job but that wound isn’t really healing. And you know, it took me some time and a year and a half to really realize that but when I when I got there, right because eventually we all get there. I made the decision, the conscious the conscious decision to be like I’m tired of this Festering Wound in my heart and my subconscious about my childhood and the real kinship with my dad, and just all of these things that are festering, I’m tired of them festering, I’m tired of this wound being open and throbbing and all of these things. And I said to her, I was like, I am ready to move on, I’m ready to let go, I’m ready to heal as much as I can. Because I’m tired of feeling like I’m tired of carrying this with me. And so she and I started doing talk therapy. Every week, every Tuesday. It’s actually funny when I’m recording this, I actually see Mary in like three hours. Which I love, I can’t wait. And so for a year, she and I would meet every single Tuesday at 11am. Eastern. And we would just talk and some of the things we would talk about are Yes, about my past traumas, I grew up in a very abusive, hostile, unstable, financially insecure environment. I suffered from financial whiplash, where with one parent, we would, you know, be scraping by but with the other parent, we would be living in a multimillion dollar home and it was very much this like weird dichotomy to grow up in and that has, you know, festered, and created adult issues surrounding money, which I’ve talked about before. And so we just started to unpack things. And I would I would talk to her about, you know, yesterday, I was feeling really anxious, here’s why, here’s kind of where I think it’s coming from. And over the last year, it’s been a deeply healing experience. And if you have listened to this show, or if you have followed me on Instagram, or whatever, you know, that I’m a highly reflective person, I do not personally struggle with self reflection or journaling, or, or really being in tune and self aware. So a lot of the times when I talk to Mary, it’s not so much because I need someone to say, here’s why you feel that way. But more so. Because I need someone to say you’re absolutely right. And you that’s exactly why you’re feeling that way, right. Because for a lot of people, they need that support. They need someone to be a mirror, and to support them in that self reflection. And I am not that kind of way. I know why I have the anxieties and the inner voices that I do. I understand that I’m cognizant of that. But not everyone is. And so if you are someone like me, and you think well, I’m aware of how I feel, or I’m self aware, or I’m in tune with myself, I know why I feel the way that I feel, I don’t need therapy, like why is that? How is that gonna help me? I had the same thought. And you would be surprised how validating and how supportive it is to have someone else say, You’re absolutely right. That is 100% why you feel the way that you feel, and you’re spot on. Like you’re exactly thinking the right thing, like that’s exactly why. And also, let me add this point that takes it one step further, further, because I am a professional, and I have that training. And I have that education to explain to you why that feeling is what it is. And to also validate you in feeling the way that you feel. And so if you’re someone that again, like me, who is hyper aware of yourself, whether it’s a positive or a negative therapy, I still think would be beneficial to you. Other things that I talked to Mary about because it’s not just about childhood trauma, right? And I think a lot of people are people who haven’t already been to therapy, let me say that assume that you only ever talked about like the hard stuff or the negative stuff or whatever with your therapist, that could not be further than from the truth. I talked to Mary, about everything I talked to her about wins and celebrations, which is honestly the majority of what I tell her because I’m so excited to be like this is happening in my life, like everything is great. Um, and I talked to her about mine and Lucas’s relationship and things going on there. I talked to her about friends and the relationships, my friendships that I have with people. I talked to her about work and passion projects and what I’m doing on the weekends, and really just share my life with her in a really authentic way to just be like this is where I’m at. This is where my mental health is currently at. And our conversations vary in terms of how deep they get, or how profound they end up being. And every time even with that being true. I walk away learning something new about myself or learning a new tool or supportive habit or routine for myself every single time. And it is because I have that person to talk things out with and not just a person to talk things out with but someone who isn’t in my life a an outside party, a third party, who can say oh my gosh, that’s really exciting or I’m really Be proud of you for coming to that conclusion, or I’m really excited that you put yourself out there. And that was the the outcome that you got from that interaction or whatever it might be. Right. And it’s, it’s one of those things where I have found, after 18 months of talking to Mary, that I look forward to our conversations, because it’s less about talking to a therapist, and more like talking to a friend and a friend who I feel safe and encouraged to talk about whatever I need to talk about that week. And there are weeks that Mary and I have sat down and she’s like, what’s going on? And I’m like, nothing really very rare for me, because if you know my life, there’s always something going on. But it on those even on those days, we you know, dive into Okay, well, let’s talk about the relationship with your family, like what’s going on there? Or do you want to talk about this. And so my point of this, of this conversation, is to just encourage you, if you are someone who, you know, whether you think you need therapy or not, whether or not, you know, you know, you need therapy or not, to just let this ruminate and give you some peace and knowing that not every therapy session, or starting therapy is someone poking into your brain with like a fork and a knife and like ripping everything out. And like laying it out on the table. That’s really that has not been my experience. And this is coming from someone who does have trauma related to go into therapy. And because I’ve had really poor experiences with going to therapy, and so I just want to give some hope to anyone else who has been in that situation, who knows that they want to, or they just generally think they want to go back to therapy, to give it another try. Because it doesn’t always have to be this like big, deep, you know, invasive conversation with a random stranger, it truly can develop into a relationship, a friendship with another person where you feel safe to kind of talk about where you’re at, where you’re going, and what’s going on in your brain. And so now to just give you a quick little August 2024 mental health update, I am happy to say that Mary and I have actually dropped down to bi weekly meetings. When we first started seeing each other last May, June, July, I’m not sure what it was. Um, it was definitely one of those things where I needed to see her weekly because there was so much I wanted to unpack with her. But at this point in life, it it just makes sense for us to see each other every other week. And it allows me to kind of marinate and process on what we talked about in our session. But to also come with some really reflective thoughts to our new sessions and be like, This is what happened I experienced this, here’s kind of what I thought about it, like what do you think, um, and so I would say that like, on a weekly basis, my anxiety used to be like an eight 910. And right now I would say it’s maybe like a four or five, six, depending on the season and workflow and projects and all of these things stressors of life, right. And like I mentioned at the beginning of the episode, I’m no longer medicating, which is really exciting. For some people, medication is a lifelong support, which I love for you so much, but it wasn’t for me. And both are okay. And I feel really good without it in this current moment, which I’m seeing as a huge win. And right now, I would say that things are really good Lucas and I are in a really great spot my relationship with the people who I love and am allowing into my life or is in a really great spot. I love getting to see Mary every other week. And I love going to therapy and I will forever be an advocate for that. So if you’re someone who, again, has considered it or has questions or wants to hear more of my experience, feel free to send me a message over on Instagram. I like to do these updates like every six to eight months. And I think the last time I did this was like the fall of 2023. So it was definitely due time for another mental health update. Again, I share this to just lower the stigma around talking about things like anxiety, or PTSD, or trauma or depression or anything like that. I had been on the scope of all of it. And we all live with some sort of something every single day. It’s that suitcase metaphor that I like to talk about, where sometimes we just need to find a soft spot and a soft person to say, I need you to help me carry this because I can’t do it anymore. Every time I say that I get so emotional.
Which is so silly, I get more and more emotional. This is definitely a byproduct of therapy is like I’m so quick to um, but it’s therapy to me is is my designated person to say, I can’t carry all of this on my own anymore. Can you please help me just for a little bit, a little bit stronger. So if you want to talk more about therapy or mental health or anything like that, feel free to send me a message. Of course by now I’ve said this a million times on this show. I’m not a professional. I’m not a medical This is not medical advice. This is just me sharing my personal experience to hopefully give you some courage and some bravery to get the kind of support that you need or three You need or want to have in your life. There’s no shame and asking for that help. I actually think that it makes you a braver, stronger, more amazing person when you ask for help, because I know people who refuse help, and they’re not the best people to be around, and that’s why I don’t allow them in my life. So Happy Wednesday. I love you so much. I’m kissing you on the forehead. And I will see you in another few weeks. I love you so much. And until then, I’m sending you all the sunshine good vibes. And I hope you make it a great day, girlfriend. Thank you so much for listening to today’s new episode. If you loved it, please send it to a friend share it on Instagram and tag me so I can see and consider leaving the show a rating or a review. Ratings and reviews are kind of like sharing or liking a post on Instagram, and they really help the show grow and reach new women just like you. Be sure to subscribe to the podcast so you never miss a new episode. And until next week, I am sending you all the sunshine, good vibes, and I hope you make it a great day.