EPISODE 65: How I Healed From Past Trauma + We Are Moving?! BONUS Q&A EPISODE!

You asked, I answered! This bonus episode is brought to you by the questions you asked me over on Instagram and I am so excited to answer some REALLY good questions with you today! I share with you our plans on moving in the next 12 months, how I have dealt and healed from past trauma, and my biggest piece of advice I would give my past self.

Thank you so much for asking such insightful questions & if you want to submit questions for the next bonus episode, be sure to follow me on Instagram – @livingnsunshine!














Maddy 0:08 Welcome to the living in sunshine podcast if you don’t know who I am, my name is Maddy. And I am so excited to have you tuning in to our weekly podcast episodes, where we chat all the things from tips and tricks to funny stories from my life that have helped me to truly live in the sunshine. In this space, we are all about encouraging, inspiring and giving you the tough love that you need to hear sometimes to realize that you are totally made for more than what you currently have in life, and that you hold the power to make the changes that you need to level up and live your best self. So buckle up, grab some water and let’s get into it. Good morning. Good morning, my dudes and happy Wednesday and welcome back to another brand new podcast episode. I am so happy to have you tuning in for yet another episode this month in June. And in case you didn’t notice it on the calendar, June is a five wednesday MONTH, which means we have a q&a episode. So if you’re new to the living in sunshine podcast every time there is a month that has five Wednesday’s the final fifth Wednesday of the month, I do a grab bag topic or a q&a, where I asked you guys over on Instagram to submit questions for this q&a episode. So that is exactly what we are doing today. But before we begin, I have a few little things that I want you to know about. First and foremost, I want you to be sure to sign up for the monthly sunshine newsletter. This newsletter is going to go out on Sunday, this coming Sunday to everyone who is on the list. And there are going to be some really exciting opportunities launch and shared on the newsletter list. And I want to make sure that you are aware of those. So definitely go sign up for that it is linked in the show notes below. And it is also over on Instagram in my Instagram bio, which is my second announcement that I want to make sure that you are following me over on Instagram, my handle is at living the letter N sunshine. So living in sunshine. And I really want you to make sure that you are following me turn on your notifications, add me to your like, favorites, whatever it is on Instagram, now they’re always changing how to see things. Because over the next few weeks, we have some really exciting things launching one of them being our exclusive living in Sunshine Community. And I’m gonna be sharing it and opening it up to everyone in the next couple of weeks. So definitely go give me a follow on Instagram, go sign up for the monthly sunshine newsletter list. That way you never miss a beat and miss a new exciting thing coming to this community going forward. Okay, so let’s go ahead and jump in to this q&a episode. Like I mentioned, you guys, whenever I do a q&a episode on the podcast, I asked you guys to submit questions over on Instagram. And this time around, we got some really juicy questions from you guys that you wanted to know more about. And I’m just going to answer them in the order that you guys asked them in, if that makes sense. So I took the screenshots of the little question box that you guys submitted. And we’re just gonna dive right into it, this is going to be a, you know, maybe a little bit feisty, maybe a little bit like of a small trigger warning, we are going to be talking about past traumas and and growing and failing and all of these types of different things. So if you are someone who has suffered from things like domestic violence, or an abusive relationship, maybe pass on this, if that is triggering to you, I do want to honor the questions that you guys asked and share with you how I’ve managed to grow and cope in and deal with those things. So let’s go ahead and jump into it. A lot of the things that you guys asked have to do with moving, so we’re going to tackle those first. Okay, so if you are new to the show, you might not know this, but my husband and I live currently in El Paso, Texas, and we purchased the house that we’re currently in, in December of 2020. I think we closed like within the last five days of 2020 and moved the first week of 2021. So depending on how you want to look at it, we got to this house in El Paso, Texas in January of 2021. And we moved here for my husband’s job. He does not work for the military. He is in finance. And he was supposed to have a roll between here where he was supposed to have to commute to a factory across the border in Juarez, Mexico, which is about 25 minutes from our house. And that was the reason why we moved here. But as things go, that plan quickly changed and he went full time remote, not long after we moved here. And well within the six months that we lived here he got word that he would be permanently remote for good. And there was no reason for us to be in Texas anymore. And one of the questions is do you see yourself staying in Texas for another couple of years? And the answer to that is no. The second question Shouldn’t is, when this question comes from, I posted a joke about selling our house in seven months, and someone’s like seven months until selling the house are you guys moving again. So let’s just talk about moving and living in Texas. So like I was saying, we moved here for my husband’s job, and he is now permanently remote like he doesn’t have to go anywhere, his role is permanently remote. And any of the roles that he would transition into for work would also be permanently remote. Now, it’s really important for you guys to know that that was not what we understood of his job when we moved here, because we got a lot of pushback from a lot of our family about not buying a house, it was a mistake to buy a house, you just need to wait, maybe things will change. Well, when we took this position, when Lucas took this position for his work, he was told for at least two years, you would need to be in El Paso, Texas, and knowing that we decided to buy a house. And then of course, like everyone said, you guys can say I told you so because you did things change. And now since he’s permanently remote, we are intending on selling our house sometime in 2023. We don’t really have a direct concrete timeline. But we are planning on selling this house, we have a couple of more house projects that we are wanting to complete, and then putting it on the market to move back towards the east coast, not the East Coast, but like the eastern part of the country, Lucas’s family, all of his family is based in Ohio, my mom lives in South Carolina, and then my siblings are in the Indiana Kentucky area. So we are very much out of the way of all of our family and friends even. And it just doesn’t make sense for us to stay in this house if we don’t need to for work because we purchased this house. And we moved across the country for my husband’s job. And that has now changed. So we are planning on moving back to the eastern side of the US to give you a little bit of insight which if you follow my stories closely enough on Instagram, you probably already know we are really pushing in gearing and leaning towards Savannah, Georgia, or at least that area. We we love the neighborhoods, we’ve been there before we really enjoy it. It’s within our price range, which is really important for the housing market. If you have tried to buy a house at all in the last like year and a half, you know how crazy things are. So we are planning on wrapping up some home projects. So if you do follow me on Instagram, you’ll see that we’re still continuing to upgrade and kind of quote unquote, flip this house that we’re in now to turn around and sell it sometime hopefully in the first half of 2023, which is so crazy to say, Lucas and I were just chatting recently about how there’s a very real chance that come next summer, we could not be in El Paso anymore. And that’s just crazy. And I do want to say this because I know that a lot of you who listen, live in Texas or are from El Paso or are in the area, we love living here, there’s nothing wrong with living here, we don’t have any issues with living in Texas, the people here are very, very nice. It’s just our family is on the opposite side of the country. And it’s very expensive for us to travel or go out of town or any of that. Because flying out of El Paso is super expensive and not super convenient. And we also have all of our animals that we need to find animal care for. So it’s just easier for us to live closer to family and friends and all of that good stuff going forward. So that hopefully answers all of the moving questions in terms of you know, are we staying in Texas are we not where we going? All of those good things and why our plans have changed yet again, because if you again know me know our story, they have changed like every single year for the last four or five years. And we’re hoping that this next move is the one we don’t have to move again. Okay, so now let’s tackle some just little fun quick ones to answer. One of you asked me what is your current favorite show to binge watch? So I am a cereal TV show repeater watcher calm person. I don’t know if you’ve ever seen the graphic where it’s like people with anxiety, watch the same shows over and over and over because they they already know what to expect. That is 100% me. So if I were to say like my top three shows to just binge watch over and over and over and over bones is 100% one of them I just rewatched bones from start to finish and like maybe six weeks. Bob’s Burgers is another one if you hate Bob’s Burgers, you and I probably will not be friends. I think it’s hysterical. I’m so excited for the Bob’s burger movie. By the time that this podcast episode comes out, that movie would have been out I’m 100% going and seeing it with my husband. And then my third one that I think just off the top of my head would be Gilmore Girls 100% Like but the thing with Gilmore Girls it’s like a seasonal show. So I only ever watch it in the fall just because it fits the vibe of the show. So definitely bones anytime of your Bob’s Burgers anytime of the year and then Gilmore Girls is like my go to show I rewatch it every single fall. It’s so good it. And those are my favorite shows. Okay, the next kind of light hearted question that I got is what is your favorite hobby. So this is kind of hard to answer because I’m also one of those people who will take a hobby, and then figure out how to make money doing it, which I always try my best not to do. So I think in this time, this moment of my life, my hobby would be drawing on my iPad, I really like to draw I like to make quotes I like to doodle and design things in the procreate app specifically, which all of those quote graphics on my Instagram feed. And I know I’m mentioning Instagram a lot, I just, I’m always on Instagram, um, all of those, quote graphics that you see on my Instagram feed I make myself I’m using different fonts and texts and hand lettering, and all that kind of stuff. So I would say that is probably my favorite hobby. It’s the thing that I do. Like if my husband and I are watching a movie or watching TV together, and I want to be doing something else that like, isn’t just scrolling on social media, I will grab my iPad, and I will just create graphics or, or practice new procreate techniques or anything like that. I love to get on Pinterest and watch like little tick tock tutorials that people post on Pinterest as to like how to do a certain effect or how to do a certain drawing or looking at a pattern and recreating it for myself. Drawing is one of those things that like growing up I wasn’t good at and growing up. I like told myself I wasn’t good at so I told myself, I shouldn’t do it because I wasn’t good at it. But as an adult, it’s one of those things that’s very therapeutic for me. And I like just testing things out and trying new things and designing things and just seeing what comes out of it. So definitely drawing is one of my favorite hobbies. And I continue to tell myself, you are not allowed to monetize this because a hobby is something that you do for fun, not something that you do to make money. So if you need that reminder to there you go your hobby can truly just be a hobby, it does not have to be something that you monetize or make money doing. Okay, and the last quick question to answer that somebody asked me is if I am teaching at all nowadays, and this is a really good question, because I used to be a full time online teacher, my source of income has changed a ton over the last three years. And the month of May, I actually took off from teaching online entirely, just to give myself kind of a break to see how I liked it, if I missed it, if it is something that I want to continue to do just because my personal business with the living in sunshine brand and my virtual assistant business have really taken off this year. And I wanted to sort of see how it felt to have my Sundays back because I typically taught on Sunday mornings. And if I wanted to continue to teach. So in the recording in the day that I’m recording this episode, the answer is yes. I’m just currently taking a break from teaching. I do plan on teaching just one to two classes a week, over the summer, but not even true teaching. I have a couple of gaming classes that I offer. And if you’re like what platform does she teach on, I teach on the platform called out school, I encourage you to google it. It’s a great platform if you’re looking for a really easy summer or side hustle. But I only offer gaming classes right now for a group of girls who I’ve actually been playing Animal Crossing with hilariously enough for like the last year, they are asking me to open up the class again. So we can do it all again. So my teaching has really changed. I used to be a full time online teacher, I used to work for a public school, I’ve kind of done it all, to be honest with you, except for actually teaching like within a classroom, I’ve really done all of the online virtual teacher thing in the past over the last like four or five years. And right now I’m just taking a break. So I am planning on continuing to teach it would just only be gaming classes because that’s what I prefer to teach. Plus, I just don’t really have the time or the bandwidth to do the amount of teaching that I did last summer or previous summer. So the short answer is yes. Long answer is I’m taking a break. But still Yes, just not as much as I used to. Okay, so this question is a really, really good one if you are someone trying to figure out where to devote your time, which is a really good kind of follow up to what I just said. And the question is how do you decide what to focus on? What’s going to make you money first, or what is going to bring you joy? So right now in the season of life that I’m in, I am generally logging anywhere from 30 to 40 hours a week within my virtual assistant business alone. And I would say that there are days of the week where I do and I prioritize my virtual assistant business over my other things that I am growing, but there are also days that I prioritize my living in sunshine content and brand growth and creation over my virtual assistant work. And the way that I decide what to focus on is really dependent on how much time that day I have to commit across the board to all of the things that I want to get done. And also kind of a general timeline that I set for myself or my client set for me. So as a virtual assistant, there are deadlines that I work alongside of that I have to meet. And so if I have a deadline for a client coming up, then I obviously have to prioritize that. But if there are days where things are a little bit more flexible, then I prioritize my own business first. So it’s kind of a mix between the two. And then beyond that, it really comes down to discipline, and getting things done that need to get done. Because if you or if you have ever worked for other people, whether it’s a nine to FiVER, or you know, something like a virtual assistant position, it’s really easy to get wrapped up in doing things for other people, and then forgetting about your own business. But as a business owner, who also helps other business owners, in order for my business to continue to grow and move forward, I have to sometimes prioritize that over other people’s businesses. Does that make sense? So when it comes to deciding what to work on and focus on, it really boils down to, am I up against a deadline? What flexibility do I have right now? And how much does this thing matter to me. So for me, that generally looks like maybe setting aside one to two hours in the morning to do my own business things. And then spending the rest of the afternoon doing client work. Sometimes that looks like forcing myself to not forcing, I don’t want to use that word forcing, focusing my attention on getting all of my client work done. And then logging off taking maybe an hour break, and then working on my own business from like, six to 8pm. And in full transparency, I’m 100% in a push season, to launch things coming for the living in Sunshine Community and to grow this, this community and this brand to where I want it to be. And there are days that I work, I will take a break, I’ll eat dinner, and then I’ll go and I’ll pick up my computer. And I will continue to work until you know 730 or eight o’clock at night after sitting down at my desk at 8am the same day. So it’s just one of those things where it’s kind of a balancing act, and it’s depending on my schedule. But I would say that the things I get focused on are the things that either need to be focused on, or I practice self discipline to focus on them and get them done. Because I know that if I don’t do them, no one else will. And there are goals that I have that require that discipline for me to focus and show up and do the work that I need to do in order to achieve the goals that I have for myself. Okay, so this question totally rolls right off the last question quite beautifully. And it is what are some things that you’re working on right now behind the scenes. So you’ve probably heard me sharing about this talking about this over on Instagram. And the biggest thing that I’m working on right now behind the scenes is the sunshine squad monthly membership. So back last month in May, I sent out a survey on Instagram stories for you guys to fill out and tell me exactly what you wanted. And the resounding answer was more live coaching calls and exclusive community just for Sunshine, sunshine squad members, and more sort of mindset work. And so I took all of those, you know, suggestions and recommendations, and I rolled them into the sunshine squad membership. Other things that are going to be within that membership are the hype girl chat Tech Squad, that is coming back, I am launching quarterly live coaching calls to the public, those recordings will be included in the membership, the membership is going to get direct access to me for questions or hype or inspiration or support, whatever. And that’s really been the thing that I’ve been working on behind the scenes during those late night. Work Sessions has been planning out and creating and developing and designing this membership to be a space for Sunshine squad members to really be a part of and to get the support and the encouragement that they need that you need if you are wanting to be part of this, to live a life that you are obsessed with and work towards your goals and dreams with joy, intention and purpose because that is exactly what I am all about and what so many of you want in your life. And so that is what you’re going to get in the sunshine squad monthly membership, encouragement, hype, Joy. We have a business babes billboard space where if you have business questions you can ask them you can network with other small business owners or just business owners and and get the support that you need to really grow your life into something that you’re obsessed with. So I’m really excited about it. Just another reason for you to get on the newsletter list and go follow me over on it Stick around because I will be sharing more info in those spaces. But that’s been the number one thing that I have been working on behind the scenes is the monthly membership. And then also planning out public live quarterly coaching calls for more people to get this type of support that they want, in a really affordable way. Okay, so we have two more questions that I want to answer today. And this one is a little bit more personal, like I mentioned at the front end of the show, and this was submitted from a friend of mine, and it is, or it says, I’m curious how you healed from the DV situation from your childhood. And if you don’t know what d V stands for, it stands for domestic violence. So I’m curious how you heal from the domestic violence situation from your childhood. So if you are new here, or you haven’t seen my stories, I briefly mentioned this in the past on the podcast, and over on Instagram. But I grew up in a very hostile environment, I grew up in a household where I didn’t necessarily feel safe very often. And if you are a survivor, or current victim, even of domestic violence, I so see you and I so send you a huge hug through the microphone, because I know what that’s like. And I so vividly have so many memories of living in that kind of environment, and being fearful all the time. And going back to the question, how have you healed from it, it has taken the last 24 years of my life to try and heal from it. I have been in in and out of therapy for a very long time, I went to therapy when I was very, very small. I’m currently in therapy now. And it has been a constant healing journey. And I don’t personally in my experience, believe that you always are believed that you fully heal from that kind of trauma, especially as a child being victim to a parent, it’s very, very, very difficult because it leaves a lot of scars. And it’s one of those things that it takes constant self check. And I noticed things in myself now as an adult that I know are the result from growing up in that type of hostile situation, I find that I very quickly get frustrated and angry in My instant reaction is to get physical, where many other people like my husband is a perfect example. That’s not his instant response. But like I feel the urge to, you know, show my anger or frustration or upsetness through physical acts, which is not healthy, right? So it’s it’s one of those things where I’m constantly checking in with myself of how are you reacting to this? How can you react to this in a healthier way? What support could you ask for? What could you do to walk away and take a break, and I’m not a parent. And I don’t know if that’s ever going to be part of my journey. But when I if I become a parent one day, it’s going to be something that I’m going to have to be very, very mindful of because I never want that type of situation for my own kids, again, if and when that ever happens. But it’s something that has taken a really long time to heal from. And again, I can only speak to this from a parent to child, you know, situation, I can’t imagine what it’s like being in a relationship with a significant other and have this be a situation that I’ve been through, because I’ve been very fortunate to not have to live in that kind of relationship. But it is something that takes time. And it takes a lot of talking through. And it’s not again, this is my own personal opinion, you could completely disagree. But it’s not something that you fully heal from. It’s almost like grief, where it comes in waves. And it’s something that you’ll always carry with you. But you have to learn how to live with it in a really healthy way, versus bury it down and pretend like it never happened. And it is kind of like grief, because there are times where I’ll be on a walker driving in my car. And I’ll see this family outside playing and they’re having a great time and they’re laughing and whatever. It’s like that picturesque movie situation. And I become very sad because I never had that. And I will never have that as a child. And there are times where I just wish that my situation was different. And I have to grieve that life that I never had, if that makes sense. So healing is something that I’m constantly doing. That’s how I have quote unquote healed I wouldn’t say that I’m 100% healed I don’t think I ever will be but it’s been a process and it’s been a journey of practicing forgiveness and grace and checking in with myself and talking about it and getting uncomfortable to just live with my experience of my past and my childhood and how I was So knowing that that doesn’t have to be my future. This is part of the reason why I always preach your past or current present does not determine your future. That’s something that I tell myself all the time you guys, so just know that if you’re currently in a situation like this, if you are the victim of domestic violence, please i will link a couple of things down below for you to seek help. And know that it’s okay to ask for help and to leave a situation that is not healthy and good for you. Okay, so I’m sending you so much love. And I think that answers that question. Okay, so to round out this month’s bonus episode, the last question that I have to answer is, what would you say to an earlier version of yourself? So this is such a loaded question. Because there are different things that I would say to myself in different stages of my life. But I think if I were to think about what I would say to myself at different points of my life and in different stages of my life, because you know, I would say something different to myself when I was like, eight, and what I would say to myself when I was 14, and what I would say to myself when I was 20. And mind you I’m only 27. So I still have a lot of life to live and a lot of things to learn. But I think what I would say to myself in all of those stages, can be summed up in the saying, and something that I say a lot on Instagram is that this is just a current season. This is not a life sentence. And you will get through this, and you will work through this. And you don’t have to feel stuck where you are, because it’s just a season. And there are so many points in my life where I wish someone would have told me that. And that I wish someone would have said that this is teaching you something, this is making you stronger. I know it sucks, and you want to cry, and you want to quit and you want to, you know, run into the streets screaming like a crazy woman. But everything is a season. Nothing is a life sentence, very few things last forever. Very few things are permanent. And I think that’s what I would tell myself is that this is just a season of your life, things will get better, you will figure it out. And this is teaching you something you’re learning some kind of lesson right now, whether it’s a lesson that you want to learn, or that you really wish would be taught someone else. It’s just a season and you will get through this and that I feel like really sums up what I would tell myself, really at any stage of my life. And if you need to hear that as well, right now, it is just a season, I know it might be really hard and it might suck and you want to cry and you want to quit, but you’re learning something, you’re growing in a way that you needed to grow. And I want you as uncomfortable as it might feel to do. So. I want you to lean into that and ask yourself, what is the universe telling me that I need to do or what is it teaching me? Or what do I need to be changing to get through this season? Because that’s really the best piece of advice that I think I could ever give to myself, or give to people listening like you. All right, my dudes, that is everything that I have for you today. Those were all of your questions. If I didn’t answer your question, I am so sorry. I thought I answered all of them. But I might have missed a few. Thank you so much. If you did submit a question, I really appreciate it. And if you want to make sure that you get your questions asked the next time that we have a bonus episode, be sure to go follow me over on Instagram. My handle again is at living the letter N sunshine. And I hope that you love today’s episode I got a little bit real and raw and personal my own life. And I hope whatever I shared today touched you in some way that gave you hope or peace or motivation or encouragement and inspiration. So my friends that is everything I have for you today. I will see you again next week for a brand new episode. And until then, I am sending you all of the sunshine good vibes and I hope you make it a great day. That is all I have for you today my dudes and I hope you love today’s episode. If you did, I would seriously appreciate it if you went and left the show a review and rating on whatever platform you’re currently listening on. For every review and rating that you leave, it truly helps the show grow and reach more women just like yourself. If you had any major takeaways or aha moments, be sure to take a screenshot of this episode. post it to your social media stories with your biggest takeaways and tag me at living in sunshine so I can share it with my people as well. Again, thank you so much for hanging out with me this week. And until next time, I am sending you all the sunshine good vibes and I hope you make it a great day.